Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
How To Regulate Your Nervous System
This episode breaks down two powerful approaches to nervous system regulation. First, we explore body-based processing techniques including orienting, vocal vibration (dhikr), butterfly taps, deep sighing, and cold water resets. These bottom-up approaches allow your body's intelligence to interrupt panic cycles when thinking has become part of the problem.
Then we go into mind-based regulation through the C-NEAR method (Circumstance, Nervous System Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Results). This approach helps you catch the thoughts driving chaos, create space between triggers and responses, and consciously choose different perspectives that bring your system back to safety.
What makes this work profound is understanding that these complementary approaches to the same destination. Sometimes processing through the body clears mental fog, while other times changing a thought gives your body permission to release tension it's been holding.
Put these methods into practice and then look for micro-shifts: Are you pausing more before reacting? Sleeping better? Recovering from stress more quickly? Small improvements signal your practice is working.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Aftar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:In the previous episode, we talked about how regulating your nervous system will change everything. It will literally fix everything, inshallah and in this podcast, I want to give you how to exactly do that, how to process the change. There are two main ways that I want to simplify for you to regulate your nervous system. One is body-based and the other one is mind-based and I know it might sound like a contradiction to what I teach all the time, and that is mind and body are not separate. They're the same system, they speak the same language. What happens in one echoes in the other, and yet here's what I absolutely love. I love living in paradox, because paradoxes make space for truth that doesn't always fit inside a clean category. So, yes, mind and the body are the same when the truth serves your healing, and also they're different when it helps you to see where to begin, how to make a difference. You can regulate your body through your mind, through reframing, questioning, inquiry and dismantling old thoughts that keep you stuck and you can regulate your mind through your body, through breath, grounding, movement that changes the signals being sent to your mind. This is not a contradiction. It's living in the gray. It's using whatever door gets you closer to yourself, to a regulated nervous system. And I give you full permission to be contradictory, to flow between both doors, to let integration look messy and circular rather than linear. And this is exactly where real nervous system safety lives, not in the black and white roles, but in the fluidity of being a full human mind, body, soul all at once. So if the secret to living a successful life is a regulated nervous system, then I want to break it down to two pathways, just to make it simple for you. One says process it it's body-based. The other one says change it. That's narrative or language-based.
Speaker 1:Now, most of your healing will come from a combination of one or the other. Most of your mental wellness journey will include components of both, but I do want to show you how they are separated in case you don't know if you're doing the right thing or not, which. If you choose one, it hasn't made a difference. You'll know why it hasn't If, despite doing the work, you find yourself with a dysregulated nervous system. That's because you find yourself stuck somewhere between the two approaches. Both of these matter, and one of them doesn't matter more than the other, but it will matter, depending on if it serves you and your emotional wellness. So how do you choose which one to proceed with? How do you know which door to walk through? Which one of these approaches will give you emotional leverage the mind-based or the body-based? So I'm going to help break it down.
Speaker 1:When you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, heavy-hearted, you're likely reaching for processing tools, body-based tools, the deep breaths, the scanning of the body. You're slowing down and you're letting the emotional rise. You can try to name it. You ask yourself where it lives in your body. You give it space and that act alone, the act of emotional intelligence, the act of noticing and naming, starts to release the emotions, trapped energy. When you say this is sadness or this is shame, instead of collapsing into it or reacting from it, you create a separation. That's a level of emotional regulation. This is body-based processing. It's a science in its own merit. You feel it, name it, witness it and eventually it will digest. That's how your body stops holding on to a background emotion that it's been holding on to for a while. But there are also times when you don't need to process the emotion. Sometimes you just need to change it, because all emotions come from thoughts and if a thought is rooted in a lie, then no amount of breathing, body work or naming emotions will fix the core issue. If the brain is repeating thoughts like I'm failing, they hate me this always happens to me then what you're actually doing is living inside a false reality that keeps recreating the emotion, and you won't be able to keep up with your body-based approach of naming it, digesting it, no matter how much you do it, because the brain will continue to recreate the same emotion, new every time, emotion coming from your thoughts.
Speaker 1:A thought created fiction that feels like a reality to your body, and the only way to exit that fiction is to change the script, and in these cases you choose different tools. They're language-based tools, left brain journaling, monitoring your thoughts, awareness, mindful exercises. In these cases, you trace the thought back, you question it. You ask yourself is this even true? Sometimes that questioning alone is enough to release the thought and the related emotion. Other times, the belief is so embedded it feels like a brick wall, and that's okay. In that case, you take it apart, one sentence at a time, one moment, one brick at a time. That's what changes emotions that are chronically living in you. Time, that's what changes emotions that are chronically living in you.
Speaker 1:Body-based processing and thought elevation and narrative changing aren't opposites. They're different sides of the same coin. You're not doing it wrong if one isn't working. It just means you may need to integrate both. Sometimes processing the emotion through the body clears the fog so that the mind can see what's really true, and then you can lean into narrative-based processing. Other times, changing the thought is what gives the body permission to let go, and this work is dynamic, not linear.
Speaker 1:If you've been doing all of the emotional work but feel stuck, here's the question I want you to ask Am I trying to process something that actually needs to be changed, or am I trying to change something that first needs to be felt and experienced and given space to, and don't overcomplicate it? From there, simplicity is powerful. Simplicity is how we heal, which is why I'm giving you these two broad categories. We heal, which is why I'm giving you these two broad categories. The brain craves clarity, and clarity is where pain finally starts to loosen its grip. That's the freedom of simplicity. That's how you will regulate your nervous system most effectively.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to give you examples of five very simple somatic practices body-based exercises that you can utilize to create a regulated nervous system. This is to apply when you can't think your way out of a dysregulated moment. And again, which method applies is entirely up to you. One is not better than the other. I'm going to only mention a handful.
Speaker 1:There are multiple, multiple other methods out there, but these are just examples. One is orienting, slowly, moving your head and eyes, and take in the environment what is in front of you, what is in your peripheral vision, what is the clarity of focus with your vision. Give you how safe your body feels when you're focusing on the current moment. Moving your eyes left, right up down, just noticing the things in your environment. This is basically helping your nervous system register that I am safe in this moment. Next is vocal vibration of a sort. You can pick a verse or a zikr, just recite it for five minutes. It stimulates your vagus nerve. It's literally the peacekeeper of your body.
Speaker 1:Next example is butterfly taps. You can cross your arms over your chest and tap left and right, left and right. This is kind of like rocking your nervous system to sleep. This is an EMDR-inspired grounding technique where you're trying to light up both atmospheres of your brain, rather than just the fear-based brain that's active. The next one is deep sighing, big inhale and a long exhale, and do it as many times as it takes for you to feel a reset in your body. This is you tricking your brain into believing that whatever danger there was has passed. Or a cold water reset Splash your face or dip your hands in cold water, make wudu with cold water, and it signals your brain that this is a quick reset. There's no fight and flight anymore and, again, there's no shortage of body-based nervous system regulation exercises.
Speaker 1:This is the bottom-up approach. When your body leads, your mind follows. These are the types of techniques that I want you to reach for when you can't think your way out of your body's dysregulation, because, technically, when you are dysregulated, your mind is where the problem is being created in the first place, especially if it's spiraling, it's catastrophizing, it's making up worst-case scenarios and calling it logic. That's when your body's intelligence needs to step in as a wiser guide. You regulate through your senses your breath, movement, sound, temperature changes, orienting yourself into the environment. You interrupt the panic. With the presence of your body, you send your brain a new message I am safe now. And that shift doesn't happen through more overthinking. It happens through sensation.
Speaker 1:Now, if your brain tells you that you need more information about this, just gather a limited amount of research about what body-based exercises are best for you and start putting them into practice. Don't go overboard by collecting information. This is all about getting underneath the noise and feeling your way back to calm, not staying in information and intellectualization of the exercise. These grounding techniques, where the mind continues to spin but the body becomes the grounding truth. They don't get enough exposure as they deserve. These are the most underrated ways of regulating your nervous system.
Speaker 1:Okay, now the other side of the coin, which is now we start to explore the mind as the key to helping us regulate our nervous systems, because sometimes that's the most powerful way and that is to catch the thought that's driving the chaos. This is the top-down approach and it works because your thoughts are not just chatter. They are biological, subliminal instructions that your body is following, even if you're not aware of it. The subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, so when your thoughts say I'm unsafe. This always happens to me. Your body will react as if it's true.
Speaker 1:And this is where my C-NEAR method comes in very, very handy. It's a replicable process to monitor and shift your nervous system. It stands for C for Circumstance, n for Nervous System Thoughts, e for Emotions, a for Actions and R for Results. First you name a circumstance what actually happened factually? Then you get curious about what is it that your nervous system told you about the circumstance, what is that language? What is a thought? Then you get curious about what am I feeling in my body right now as an emotion. Have I fallen into a fight, flight, freeze or fawn state? Naming that emotion. Then you track into what actions have these emotions led you to perform, because all of our actions are fueled by our emotions, and what you will find is that you would have created a result with accumulation of those actions. And what you will also notice at a more meta level is that every result in your life is going to loop back to the thought that was driving the action.
Speaker 1:When you use the C-Near algorithm method, you start reshaping your nervous system in real time. This is you creating neuroplasticity. You learn to catch the dysregulation at the source and intervene with awareness and with a little bit of understanding and repeat practice, it becomes extremely practical and powerful. So I'm going to give you a simple but powerful framework, again line by line, just so you can remember a little bit better. And this is a gentle way to understand what's happening in your nervous system and how to shift it, based on your mind. C for circumstance.
Speaker 1:So maybe any given moment, just bring to mind something that recently activated you or a moment that's currently transpiring around you where you feel stressed, anxious, rejected, frustrated, anything that pulled you out of your calm. Hold that moment gently in your mind. Now just ask yourself what exactly happened. What are the bare minimum facts of the moment. Try to do that without judgment or interpretation. This is the first step of the method where I teach how to separate the story in your mind from the facts as they're actually transpiring around you. When you do find this separation, just pause and let it settle.
Speaker 1:Then comes the nervous system thought. Now tune into your mind. What thought came up first? What sentence ran through your head like a headline, or was it running more like in a subconscious mind? A sentence that wasn't loud, the sentence that was barely detectable? It might be something like they don't respect me. I always mess things up. I have to fix this. Say it out loud or write it down, or do whatever you need to to make it visible for you, to bring this into awareness for yourself. This is a thought that your nervous system believed in that moment.
Speaker 1:Now, based on these thoughts that you become aware of, you will notice that it creates one emotion. Ask yourself what emotion did that thought create? Name that feeling Is it sadness, guilt, shame, hopelessness, rage? See if you can find it in your body. Where is it living right now? Just observing no need to change it, just witnessing it. This mind and body package is your nervous system state Collectively. You're going to find out if your body is in a dysregulated state or not and again, there's no right or wrong answer. We're just doing this for awareness reasons.
Speaker 1:Next comes the A for action. Ask yourself, based on the emotion I'm feeling, what do I do next? In case of sadness, anxiety or shame, you might notice that the action consists of you shutting down. You might notice it might involve people pleasing or you over explaining yourself. In case of anger or rage, you being reactive or lashing out. In case of hopelessness, you might notice yourself withdrawing. These are all visible actions that you will perform as a result of the emotion. Just notice your response. Notice how it came from the thought that led to a feeling that led to an action. Then comes the R the result. Now reflect on what was the result of the action you ended up taking. How did that moment unfold? What did it cost you, if anything? What did it teach you, if anything? If the thought was, I don't matter and you feel hopeless, the action will be that you'll stay quiet, you'll remove yourself from the scene, you will not participate and the result will be that you will remain unseen and continue to not matter. The result will prove the thought correct. That is how your brain functions. This is a loop. Your brain only creates proof for what is already thinking. And what we're doing right now is, through the safety of our nervous system, through regulating it, we're learning how to step outside of this cycle.
Speaker 1:The final step of doing all of this work is to shift with intention. Once you realize this is what's happening, based on a sentence in your mind, just ask yourself is there another thought that I can practice? What makes this thought truer than the other one? What can I tell myself from a regulated place about the same exact circumstance? Maybe it just starts with I'm safe, I'm allowed to speak up, I'm allowed to take space. Starts with I'm safe, I'm allowed to speak up, I'm allowed to take space. Maybe it is. I'll pause before I act. Choose one thought, just one. Say it slowly, experience it in your body and let that be your anchor. This is the top-down approach. Doing all of this might seem lengthy in the beginning because there is a learning curve involved, but this practice alone will immensely regulate you. This is where you've made space between the trigger and the truth. You've brought safety back into your system.
Speaker 1:Keep practicing this, even when it feels small, even if you're not doing it perfectly, because every time you notice a loop and pause, you're changing the entire trajectory for your nervous system. So, whatever practice you adopt to regulate yourself if it's breath work, movement, grounding or thought work if you notice even a slightest shift, just stick to it. Stay consistent, because no matter how small the change feels right now, it's not small to your subconscious mind, it's life-altering. Because when you continue to put that same action into practice, that's when you'll start compiling the results. Here's what usually happens your brain will try to convince you it's not working fast enough, because you've expected instant peace, stillness, a complete transformation immediately, and when that doesn't happen in three days, you'll want to abandon it. Don't do that.
Speaker 1:Neuroplasticity itself takes time. Some studies say as much as 21 days, but maybe your nervous system hasn't read that particular study. Maybe it takes longer or maybe shorter. The point is give it the time that it needs. Give yourself the time that you need. Don't measure progress by perfection. Measure it by micro shifts. Are you pausing more before reacting now? Are you sleeping a little bit better? Are you recovering from stress quicker? If there is a small yes to any of those questions, then it's working. Keep going. You're not going to find the perfect practice. What works today might not work tomorrow. It's only about finding what works for you and doing it enough times that your nervous system starts to believe that I'm safe, I don't have to live in survival anymore, and your nervous system starts to be regulated With safe I don't have to live in survival anymore and your nervous system starts to be regulated With that.
Speaker 1:I pray to Allah SWT. Ya Allah, help me learn what to feel and what to change. Guide me when I don't know whether to slow down and feel or stand up and shift. Let me trust my body when it signals for stillness. Let me trust my thoughts when they speak truth with clarity. Ya Allah, let my breath be dhikr, let my pause be prayer. Let my awareness be a doorway and a path back to you. Ya Rabb, show me how to live in grey without needing perfection, and remind me that regulating myself to this level is an act of worship, because peace inside of me makes room for love, leadership and presence. Ya Allah, help me find the right practice for myself to stay regulated so that I can come close to you. Ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, please keep me in your da'as. I will talk to you guys next time.