Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Part 4: Microaggressions and its Benefits.
What if the microaggressions are windows into profound personal growth? This eye-opening exploration reveals how the subtle comments and behaviors that cause harm can become unexpected catalysts for self-awareness, emotional resilience, and spiritual refinement.
When someone directs a microaggression toward you, they're unknowingly offering a glimpse into their true beliefs. When a microaggression lands with force, it's often touching on something you're already sensitive about. This presents a valuable opportunity to strengthen your relationship with that part of yourself. Not to accept their judgment, but to own your narrative and do the inner work that helps you feel secure. Similarly, these moments can expose harmful socialized beliefs you might have unconsciously internalized, allowing you to break free from limiting expectations.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Asar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you. Alhamdulillah, I'm very excited for the part 4 of this series.
Speaker 1:We've discussed a lot about microaggressions, but I have to say most of it for us to build up to this point, the point I'm going to make in this podcast. It might be hard for you to believe, but these microaggressions have benefits. When someone directs a microaggression at you, it reveals a lot about their own insecurities and their worldview. Whatever I'm going to teach you about in this podcast is based on somebody else's microaggression towards you, but at any point, if you feel safe enough, you're welcome to turn these questioning towards yourself. Meaning, how are your microaggressions telling you the truth about your hidden beliefs? And this is the next level of growth, which, of course, I'm always constantly inviting you to do. But this podcast is mostly geared towards how you can take benefit out of other people's microaggressions towards you. When you begin to see microaggressions as a window into somebody else's true perspective, the entire experience changes. You stop looking at these comments and behaviors as random. You start looking for the layers of hidden meaning behind these Microaggressions. Tell you what somebody really believes about you. They offer an unfiltered glimpse into the stories and biases they carry, even if everyone tries to quote them with politeness or humor. If you can trust yourself enough to read the microaggression for what it is, you'll start to notice the underlying message. You'll start to see through the cover and realize what they feel but aren't brave enough to say directly.
Speaker 1:This level of work is not always comfortable, but this clarity is an absolute gift. Once you recognize what's behind their words, or what's behind your words and your microaggressions, you stop taking them at face value and, instead of feeling attacked, you can acknowledge the truth that's being revealed to you the truth about them, not about you. This kind of awareness allows you to respond from a place of strength, and then you can hold up the mirror and decide how much space you want to give to this unspoken belief. This way you become less reactive and more strategic, because now you know what you're really dealing with, and becoming less reactive is the goal after all. So I'm going to pose a few questions to you and, like I said before, the deeper level of work here is to turn these questions around and ask them about yourself. But if you're not there yet, that's completely okay. I just wanted to give you this option because I'm not going to create a fifth podcast in this series. That might be a little too much.
Speaker 1:So the first question we're dealing with is is there a kernel of truth or self-reflection hidden in this microaggression, something that could spark your own personal growth? So we've discovered that not every microaggression lands, because it's true. But when it does hit a nerve, it is worth pausing and reflecting. The reason certain comments sting more than others is because they touch on something you're already sensitive about. If someone told you I hate your blue hair and you don't have blue hair, you'd laugh it off because it's irrelevant, it doesn't apply to you, your brain wouldn't register it as hurtful because there's no foundation for it to land. But when someone says, oh, you should really exercise more, it feels like it's a hit. It's really because you're already carrying some discomfort or insecurity in that area. So in that moment there's a choice you can dismiss it or you can use it as a prompt to explore your own self-perception. Does this comment reflect an area where you need to grow or heal? Maybe it's your body image, maybe it's confidence, maybe it's parenting. Then the microaggression becomes an invitation to strengthen your relationship with that part of yourself. That does not mean that you accept their yourself. That does not mean that you accept their judgment. It does not mean that you condone it or even allow it. It just means that you're owning your own narrative and doing the inner work to feel whole and secure in that area. That way you can call out the microaggression with the calling in approach or the calling out approach, without having to absorb the damage that it causes.
Speaker 1:The next question how do microaggressions expose societal expectations or cultural biases that you might have internalized? Microaggressions reveal other people's beliefs, what they've absorbed from the world around you. Microaggressions are the perfect opportunity for you to reveal harmful socialized beliefs that you might have adopted for yourself. If, for the very first time after listening to this series, you're starting to call out a microaggression that you didn't recognize before, this is actually an invite for you to understand that a societal and a cultural expectation has taken a root in you, a damaging, harmful belief that you otherwise want to uproot. This recognition is the first step towards protecting yourself and breaking free from the limiting beliefs you've unconsciously carried for years. So, for example, if you don't even blink when someone implies that a woman's primary role is at home, but in the background you want to work for money, you want to be financially dependent then this internalized belief might not be helping you. Have you unknowingly built your life around it and you're welcome to continue to carry this belief if it is serving you. But what if it's no longer serving you? Recognizing these subtle patterns open a door for profound change. It allows you to challenge what you once accepted as truth. It allows you to begin building your identity on something that is more authentic and intentional for you and your goals.
Speaker 1:The next question I want to ask is how can you reframe a microaggression into an opportunity to assert your values or set a healthy boundary? Every microaggression is an opportunity. It's an opportunity for you to draw a line, clarify your worth and define what you will and will not accept. It is an opportunity for you to exercise your boundary muscles when you encounter a dismissive or a demeaning comment about your work, your personal choices. It's an invitation for you to take a deep breath, see it for what it is and assert your value, instead of absorbing it quietly, which you might have been doing up until now, or instead of reacting to it with anger, you can use it to clarify your boundary with strength and grace. An example I'll give you for this is if somebody makes a dismissive remark about your career, you can see it as a chance to ground yourself more deeply in your purpose and your value of your work. Remind yourself first of your worth, contribution, and then state it clearly to others. It does not matter what they believe, as long as you don't believe what they believe and you're not doing this to seek their approval, but you're doing it to stand firm in what you already know to be true. This reframing, this setting up of boundaries, turns a moment of harm into a moment of self-empowerment. This reframing of microaggressions turns them into a weight in the gym, and you're using this weight to strengthen your mental muscles of boundaries. If previously, as a result of a microaggression, you were either shrinking or snapping back, this gives you an opportunity to use it as a weight in your favor.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the next question I want to pose for your brain is can you transform these moments of microaggressions into a teachable moment for others? And if so, how do you do it without exhausting yourself? And the answer is absolutely yes. You can and should turn microaggressions as powerful teachable moments for others, but only when you're doing it from a place of calm, grounded intention. And a lot of times you might be too exhausted from this teaching and you don't have to adapt this. Their learning is their responsibility. But a less exhausting way of dealing with these microaggressions is that you can see these moments as an opportunity to guide rather than battles to win, and the goal here isn't for somebody else to change in one conversation or for them to agree with you. The goal is to plant a seed of awareness, and most of the time when they see the truth, their brain does the rest of the work of self-correction.
Speaker 1:But one thing I do want to emphasize here when you're choosing to use a microaggression into a teachable moment to avoid burnout in this setting is to let go of urgency for immediate change. You are not responsible for how quickly they learn the lesson. You're just offering them a mirror. You can teach them with softness, curiosity, grace, strength, knowing that it might take multiple conversations for the other person to catch on, or knowing full well that they might not catch on, but you are doing what you think is right. Someone might get it right away, others might resist. That is not your burden. Approach it with patience and the mindset of I'll offer it as many times as it takes. I'll offer it as many times as my mind and body allows it to. And then, all of a sudden, this teaching is not going to feel draining, it's going to feel generous and freeing.
Speaker 1:Okay, so then the next question is how might responding to microaggressions with strength and grace help you build deeper trust and respect with certain people? So imagine the power that it holds when you respond to microaggressions with both strength and grace, not from place of anger or hurt. When you do this, a lot of magical things happen. People closest to you start to see you differently, even if they don't want to admit it. They start to respect your boundaries, they think twice about the aggression in their interactions with you, and that strength becomes attractive. That grace is magnetic. And that strength becomes attractive, that grace is magnetic. You become the person that others will trust to be real, fair and firm. In the best way, responding with strength turns surface-level relationships into deeper, more meaningful ones. You no longer allow going through the motions in your relationship or letting tension simmer below the surface. Instead, you create the space where honesty and respect thrives, and the people who are attracted to that will grow and rise to meet you All. In the meanwhile, you are developing an unshakable foundation within yourself, and then there's no microaggression that can chip that away.
Speaker 1:Okay, the next question how can the experience of handling microaggressions build emotional resilience and sharpen your communication skills? Every time you handle a microaggression thoughtfully, you're strengthening the neural pathways to your emotional resilience. This is an emotional workout. This muscle building will help you navigate complex interactions with ease in the future. You're teaching your nervous system how to stay grounded in discomfort, how to pause before reacting, how to choose a response that reflects your highest self. And then enough of that done over time, leads to it becoming your second nature. It leads to you responding with choice, strength and grace, naturally, without having to work towards it. And with each experience, your communication skills sharpen. You become clearer, more intentional with your words, you become more grounded and articulate your boundaries without apology. You respond without being harsh, you hold space for conversations without losing yourself, and these are the very skills that make you a powerful leader, a partner, a friend. Microaggressions, in that sense, are your training ground for mastery in emotional intelligence and communication.
Speaker 1:Next question is is there a way to track how you feel in the face of microaggressions and use those feelings as data points to better understand your own emotional triggers? And the answer is yes. Your emotions in the face of microaggressions are data points. They hold invaluable information. Tracking your feelings to trace back to why you felt triggered will help you uncover patterns that you are not going to see otherwise. When something hurts, pause, ask yourself why did this land the way it did? Why did it affect me the way it did? What emotions came up? What is my body going through? What am I being reminded of? Over time, you'll start to notice themes. Maybe it's your fear of not being taken seriously or always having to work to prove your worth. Maybe it's remarks about parenting that create a dysregulation, because you're already feeling vulnerable in that area. These triggers aren't weaknesses, they're invitations. They're the keys in the areas that need attention and healing.
Speaker 1:When it does come to your attention, I am going to remind you that whatever is revealed is not the ultimate truth Meaning if somebody else's microaggression towards your parenting makes you feel like an incompetent mother and you reveal to yourself that this is the truth you've been trying to run away from. That does not mean that it is the truth. It is just another false belief. You're not discovering an ultimate truth about your parenting. You're not an incompetent mother. It's just another false belief that your brain has been painting. In this case, the microaggression has revealed to you whatever false belief your brain was painting as truth to you about your parenthood. Same thing, if a microaggression feels harsh about you being a female boss and you can't be taken seriously, and that reveals to you that you're sensitive about being taken seriously and that reveals to you that you're sensitive about being taken seriously, it is a possibility that your brain is creating truth where there isn't any Meaning. People do take you seriously, but because of your sensitivities, you don't see that.
Speaker 1:I mean microaggressions will teach you a whole book worth of lessons in themselves. They are full of teachings about yourself if you're willing to accept them. Okay, the next question is where identifying patterns in microaggressions help you find out about the areas that call for boundaries, growth and healing. So if you haven't gathered so far, microaggressions are like shining a flashlight into parts of your life that have been quietly asking for your attention. The more you notice these patterns, the clearer it becomes where these areas need boundaries, where you need to heal. All you have to do is stop seeing microaggressions as somebody else overpowering you and start seeing them as invitation to find out an area that is more vulnerable and feels unprotected.
Speaker 1:Okay, next question how does your current level of response to microaggressions reflect your emotional and spiritual refinement? Your response to microaggression is also an open book of lessons for yourself, a free curriculum in your own spiritual and emotional refinement and growth. Are you reacting? Are you ignoring? Are you responding with intention? Are you going back and forth between these categories? Are you using one more than the other, while you always want to respond with intention? Are you quick to anger? Do you freeze? Are there more and more moments where you're able to stay calm and grounded, building your evidence for your brain as a sign of deep refinement? When you do feel reactive, it's not failure, it's just another data point. When you do shrink and quiet down, that is also not a mistake, just an opportunity, especially during these last 10 days of Ramadan, when spiritual refinement is the ultimate priority. No-transcript.
Speaker 1:The next question is how can these moments of microaggression be turned into spiritual tests, opportunities for embodying greater patience and assertiveness, and all of that is again a refinement in your communication skills. Maybe they're just teaching you about practicing more of the qualities of patience, mercy or justice. Not every situation calls for the same response. The power lies with what you choose to do Not every relationship and comment deserves the same response and your awareness between your choice of response is what's going to bring clarity in your life which relationships are worth handling with care and softness and which ones require firm boundaries and assertiveness.
Speaker 1:The next question what if microaggressions were Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's way of bringing you towards greater self-awareness? How would you approach that differently? What if these were the tests in your life that were set in place, preordained to deepen your self-awareness, to deepen your spiritual refinement work? What if every uncomfortable interaction was an opportunity for growth, hand delivered to you by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, because he wants to see you grow, he wants to see you get closer to Him. So then, instead of being constantly drained by these moments, you become curious. Why did this show up for me today? What is Allah trying to teach me through these interactions? If you start to see each experience with this lens, it's going to become purposeful, and then there will be no wasted interaction, no wasted time.
Speaker 1:What if a feedback that is packaged as a microaggression is just something for you to adjust and sharpen your personal strategy? Because if somebody is delivering you feedback in the form of a microaggression, that's a shortcoming on their part. How are you going to take valuable insight out of that feedback? This does not mean you're excusing the delivery method. It just means that you're recognizing that all the lessons are not delivered to you in kind and tidy conversations. Maybe this is your way of hashing out the message from the messenger, because the harshest comment might offer some clarity.
Speaker 1:So, in a professional setting, that's what this is going to look like. So, in a professional setting, that's what this is going to look like. It's going to be an opportunity for you to refine your strategy, your delivery method, the way you show up to your work, moving forward. Is anything being given to you in the feedback pointing to a genuine blind spot for you? And if that's the case, use it. Adjust, create a different communication style, strengthen your leadership approach, come back stronger. After you've addressed the feedback, addressed the microaggression and I've already given you the ways to address it you will move on from that microaggression far more effectively than otherwise ever taught to you.
Speaker 1:The key here is not to lose the growth opportunity just because it's delivered poorly. Your growth is yours. The other person's shortcoming does not change that. After you recognize your growth opportunity, you can verbalize it or not. You can act on it immediately or not. You have more of a window to call out the microaggression than anything else, and the chance of the other party changing their behavior are much higher that way, all right.
Speaker 1:Next question when is it worth strategically ignoring a microaggression? Because not every microaggression needs to be confronted. Sometimes the most strategic move is to let it slide, not out of fear, not out of avoidance, but just because calling it out would not serve your long-term goal. The question you're trying to answer in the response to a microaggression is not should I always call it out, but rather ask yourself what outcome do I want here? In some situations calling in or calling out helps. In others it derails the bigger picture. Use your own discernment. Maybe you're going to choose to let go of a microaggression and save your energy for bigger battles. Knowing when to speak and when to stay silent is an art, and every art gets better with practice. You learn how to choose a response that best serves your life, not just your immediate feelings. And the last question I want to ask is what if?
Speaker 1:Becoming an expert at spotting microaggressions makes you an excellent leader, makes you excellent at your communication skills? An excellent leader makes you excellent at your communication skills. Looking out for micro aggressions give you an understanding of deep, unspoken dynamics. In every conversation, you become attuned to the subtext, reading between the lines and seeing what others miss. This is a skill that helps you navigate complex relationships. This gives you an edge in your leadership and, inshallah, when you implement what I've taught you in this four-part series, you become a person who can create emotionally safe spaces where others feel heard and respected, and people naturally gravitate towards that kind of presence. You will also know how to respond to microaggressions in real time, calmly and confidently, without being thrown off course In business. This is the level of awareness that makes you an unstoppable negotiator, a trusted leader, someone who's always three steps ahead in understanding interpersonal dynamics. So that brings me to the end of all of the questions that I had for you, and of course, I provided you with answers, but it was more for you to open the door in your own mind so you can come up with your own answers as well.
Speaker 1:In this fourth episode of the four-part series on microaggressions, I tried to flip the script. I tried to help you see that microaggressions are not just problems to endure. They're opportunities for growth. Each of these moments carry hidden information Information about the person delivering it, about the person who's receiving it, about the relationship in between and about your future growth. I want you to come back to this series as many times as you need to and start using microaggressions as a personal tool, something to empower you.
Speaker 1:And this language of awareness is going to take you well beyond Ramadan. It's going to give you a renewed sense of self-respect and emotional clarity. Inshallah. With that I pray to Allah. Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Clarity, inshallah. With that I pray to Allah. Subhanahu wa ta'ala. O Allah, you are the one who changes hearts and transforms souls. Ya Allah, refine my words, my actions and my intentions so they align with your light. Let my every interaction be a step closer to you. O Allah, keep me grounded in self-respect and trust in your plan. Allow me to build relationships that are pure, strong and free of harm. Let this journey of growth be a source of lasting peace and connection to you, o Allah, ameen, ya Rabbul, ameen, please keep me in your du'as. I will talk to you guys next time.