Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Body's Intelligence Against Shame
In this episode, you'll find out about the two layers of shame—the external judgments we internalize and the internal battle that blocks our healing. I talk about how Shaitan uses shame to silence your body’s natural intelligence and how you can reclaim the healing Allah has already designed within you.
Learn to witness, honor, and amplify your body’s protective instincts without judgment, turning moments of shame into acts of worship and self-compassion.
Your body knows what it needs to heal—let’s listen.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognizably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Atar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:There's a specific type of judgment that you might feel as a woman very commonly, and the experience you have of it in the body is of that of shame. The body already knows how to heal, it knows how to protect, it guides you and it teaches you, and it does the same against shame. So today we're going to uncover how to witness and honor and amplify the protective intelligence that is your body's natural mechanism, something that it creates in response to shame. Shame, as it harms your psyche, is always a product of shaitan. Shaitan's sole mission is to sow doubt and insecurity, and shame is one of its most effective tools. So there are two layers of shame and for the first layer, that's about accepting someone else's judgment about you, and it usually begins very subtly. It's quiet. People around you might say things like you could have done a better job If you took care of yourself better, you wouldn't have miscarried. You're all about money. You're all about always working. What about focusing on your family? You're too picky. You're not picky enough you don't know how to. Picky enough you don't know how to be alone. You don't know how to be married.
Speaker 1:Now, these comments might feel small, but these criticisms take advantage of every human being's implicit bias, including mine, and that is to accept the outside commentary as your own truth. And most of us are doing it without examination. And we do it because our brains are wired for efficiency Somewhere inside. When somebody's criticizing you, you've believed there's a grain of truth to it. That bias makes these judgments sound like truths without you even realizing it. And we all do this, myself included. We internalize this first layer of shame, absorbing the outside world's critique of who we are, what we do, how we live, and we take it in as truth. This is shame. That's when it settles in deep in your body and it goes unnoticed. And then there's a second layer of shame. Once your body recognizes that there's pain in your psyche and in your emotional well-being from the first layer of shame, it starts asking for recovery. This is your body's natural intelligence kicking in. It says let me help you heal. So I'm going to give you examples of this second layer of shame, based on the examples I've already given you.
Speaker 1:So let's say you're a mother overwhelmed by the guilt after you've been told you could have done better. Your body says rest, take a nap, lie down, breathe. But the shame layered on top of the original shame is your own voice saying you're lazy, you don't have time to waste, you could do better than this. Or let's say you're navigating grief after a miscarriage and your body craves softness and peace and restoration. Maybe you just want to wrap yourself in a blanket, maybe you want to cry, maybe you want to go for a massage, maybe you want to take a day off, but shame will interrupt it as this is indulgent.
Speaker 1:This is selfish. How could you? You should be stronger. Or you're trying to create work-life balance and you want to take a girl's trip. You want to laugh. You should be stronger. Or you're trying to create work-life balance and you want to take a girl's trip. You want to laugh, you want to connect, you want to be able to step outside of the role that constantly defines you. But here's the shame on top of the healing process again A girl's trip. That's irresponsible.
Speaker 1:What will people say about you? Let's say you're single and you're trying to embrace your independence. You want a hike, you want a moment to nurture yourself, a spa day, a solo retreat, but the shame will say this is why you're still single, you're too self-focused. Let's say you've been married married for decades and you want a date night. But shame will say we don't have any money, he doesn't have time. Don't you have enough already? Isn't it enough to just be married? Our body craves all of these healing moments, these connection moments, these self awareness moments. But the second tier of shame attacks that healing. It will call it indulgent, selfish, wrong, and it's all from shaitan's whispers. Because that's what's keeping you from recognizing the wisdom of Allah that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has already placed within your body.
Speaker 1:Let's say somebody makes a comment about your body. Maybe it's an outright insult, or maybe an underhanded critique, or maybe they even try to dress it up as their concern. They say it's a seemingly harmless observation. But without your vigilance, without having awareness and practice about it, it is a possibility that you will internalize this body shaming tactic of theirs. Again, this is the first layer of shame. Nervous system creates this shame based on some meaning that it's assigning to the outside world, to the people, to the words they say to you, and this hurt lands in your body. This is an emotional pain. It can even manifest as a physical pain, physical symptoms, chest discomfort, bowel problems, and all of these can be manifestations of this first level of shame, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:This absolutely needs work how not to create that internalized shame, how to fortify your mind against these insults? And all of this is built on coaching. That way you build your vigilance, your self-esteem, so that you don't accept any of these insults. You don't accept anything about your body, about your marital status, about your children, about your work, about your religion. But let's say you're still working on that and you do find some shame trapped in your body. If you do find that your body is going to be asking, it's actually going to be demanding healing, and this is what this podcast is telling you to do. It's asking you to heal your body.
Speaker 1:So the second layer of shame, which shames you for reaching out for that healing, this originates from the whispers of shaitan and it's its most dangerous work, because it's working to silence the natural wisdom of your body, your body that inherently knows how to heal from pain, how to seek comfort, how to find balance, and all of that voice, that inner intelligence, becomes muted, becomes buried, and instead of hearing its voice urging you to rest, nurture and protect yourself, you get caught in an internal battle of shame that says you should have done better, you don't need rest, you need to work harder, you should be different. This level of shame disarms your body's intelligence, makes you question these important signals that the body is sending you. It makes you undermine the very mechanism that's designed to restore you, and in this way, shame doesn't just wound, it prevents recovery, and this leaves you in a cycle of pain, self-doubt and disconnection from your own inner capacity to heal. If you imagine experiencing an inadvertent internalization of a comment about some judgment, maybe about your children that you have or don't have, or how you don't lead like the previous manager led the meeting, who also happened to be a white male let's say all of this or any of this is happening around you and you're internalizing it as a product of shame Then your body's intelligence is going to step in and say it's time to recover from this. I can protect you from this. Let's move away, let's get some rest. But all of that might be labeled as cowardness, as an escape tactic. But all of this is just a recovery mechanism. If you feel queasy, nauseous, before a public speaking event, that's your body saying I can shield you from the harm of rejection and failure. But if you shame that queasiness, if you judge yourself as inferior for experiencing that nausea or that tightness in your stomach, this healing response is getting suppressed.
Speaker 1:In response to a perceived insult about your height, your level of education, your body sends a simple, instinctive, protective message. It will either say retreat or allow discomfort. It will either say find stillness or find movement. But shame. That blocks your body's intelligence of healing. It will say this is not how leaders act. You should be better than this.
Speaker 1:And healing of that sort doesn't always require grand action. Sometimes it's just simple as listening to what your body is asking for in the moment, and these body signals are highly variable. It could be a need of rest and retreat. It could be a need of more engagement or participating in a specific activity. Just listen to this profound intelligence and just honor it. Start by exaggerating and witnessing what your body is telling you. It does not mean you're over analyzing just in your thoughts. It means you're leaning fully into what your body naturally is craving and noticing its impact without judgment. Imagine yourself tuning up the volume on those signals, giving them your full attention and treating them as a gift rather than a flaw.
Speaker 1:If your body asks you for rest after moments of shame or intense emotional overwhelm, witness it fully. Maybe you need to lie down, maybe you need to cover yourself in blankets. Maybe you need to sit down with a good book. Exaggerate its demands. Wrap yourself in the softest blanket, dim the lights, allow yourself to feel the coziness of the best book, allow yourself to be comforted. All of this can become a sacred ritual of recovery, a moment where you can consciously say this is what I needed and I've honored it, and just notice the changes that come in your body, without judging yourself for needing this rest. This is your body working to restore the balance.
Speaker 1:But at other times your body might call you for movement or connection with other people. It might say going out and doing some activity is the way to process shame and heal. Maybe you want to take a walk in nature. Maybe you just want to feel the ground under your feet. Exaggerate this instinct by tuning into a mindful activity. Express your thoughts, engage willfully in Ibadah. Maybe your body is craving a social connection, a copy date with a friend or a connected play with your child. Exaggerate this connection by being fully present, laughing if that's what your body present, laughing if that's what your body demands, crying if that's what it demands. And just let the experience remind you of all of the joy and sadness and the spectrum of emotions that is available to you, with all of its safety.
Speaker 1:Witnessing the intelligence of your body is more than just responding to its cues. Embracing the intelligence of your body is more than just responding to its cues. It's about pausing to truly notice the way your body communicates and embracing its messages without shame or judgment. It doesn't matter if it's rest or activity, it doesn't matter if it's movement. Every act of honoring these signals will strengthen your relationship with yourself, will strengthen your relationship with your body's innate wisdom. Your body knows what to do. It has always known. It's your greatest ally against shame. If you let it be so. Today, I invite you to reclaim that wisdom, not by doing more or less compared to anybody else, but based on what you want, based on what your body is asking for. And your recovery might look completely different from day to day. It might involve movement and energy in one day and it might involve rest and restoration the other.
Speaker 1:The ultimate goal here is to create a fortress within yourself. That's when you're rejecting all of the shaming messages that's coming from outside. But until then, heal the second layer of shame, the one that comes from shaitan, blocking your innate healing process. You are not weak because you feel shame. You are human because of it, strengthening your inner self. So the external world doesn't injure you constantly. It takes time and intentional work and again, that's what coaching is about. We do a lot of that work for married Muslim women in my coaching program. But if you're not in the program yet, that's okay. Until then, don't rush. Don't pressure yourself to be impervious to the world's effects.
Speaker 1:Overnight. Focus on the second layer of shame. Instead, focus on healing yourself, honoring what your body needs, without judgment when you find shame in your body and you need healing, instead of spiraling into guilt or criticism and adding to the original layer of shame. Just pause, listen, notice the body's protective instinct and honor it fully. Just ask yourself these questions and allow the answers to come to you in the next week.
Speaker 1:What does your body ask for in the moments of shame? What happens when you give it permission to receive it? The answers to these questions are going to begin your healing. This is going to be your strength, and this is you, honoring allah's design of inner intelligence. With that I pray to Allah SWT. Ya Allah, grant me the clarity to hear the wisdom you've placed within my body. Help me honor its needs without judgment. Protect me from the whispers of shaitan that sow doubt and shame. Bless me with the strength to rest when I need it and to move when I need movement. Allow me to heal in ways that align with only your divine guidance. Ya Rab, make my body a vessel of your mercy and my heart a sanctuary of self-compassion. Ameen, ya Rabbul Ameen, please keep me in your daraz. I will talk to you guys next time.