Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
High Value Female
In this Episode I talk about understanding the beautiful difference between a woman's worth and her value. I'll explore what it means to be a 'high value female' and explain why your worth, a divine gift you're born with, remains unchanged and full. But it's your value, shaped by your actions and intentions, that gives you the chance to grow and deepen your connection with taqwa and God-consciousness.
I'm going to challenge the societal norms that often mix up these concepts and learn to nurture our value in a way that truly celebrates our inherent worth.
I'll address the common misunderstandings about modesty and assertiveness, showing you how they can beautifully coexist within the Islamic principles of leadership. This episode is a celebration of you and me, our unique creation, and understanding our innate worth that drives us towards realizing our individual purpose and potential.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uthar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings upon all of you.
Speaker 1:In today's episode, I am thrilled to talk about a concept of high value female and if being a high value female is the same as having high intrinsic worth for a woman. There was a time when a lot of videos were circling my social media pages and a term that kept sticking out to me that was common in those videos was that of a high value female. So I decided to make it into a podcast because I want you guys, as my listeners, to know what these men were talking about in these videos when they were referring to the term high value female. Is there such a thing as a high value female? Yes, I do think so, but as long as you are not confusing your value as your worth, because your worth is always 100%. It can't be high or low. It's always intact. It's not dependent on anything you achieve or anything you receive or anything you contribute to the world. Your worth was always 100%, starting from the day you were born and it will remain 100% until the day you die, and it will continue to be 100% because, as Muslims, we believe that the soul leaves the earthly body and journeys to another world. So it remains at 100% worth even after you die. The questioning and the punishment of the afterlife is not based on your inherent worth. It's based on the actions you took in the world. A woman's worth is not based on her measurements, her size, her earnings, her fertility status, the size of her hips or the length of her legs. A woman's worth is not increased by meeting current acceptable standards of beauty and it's not diminished if she doesn't meet them.
Speaker 1:One objection I get at this point is how do some people enter paradise and others don't? If everyone has equal worth, then why are some people punished and others rewarded? I think this question stems from a misunderstanding, when worth and value is used interchangeably, when they're actually not interchangeable. In the Quran, allah SWT says O mankind, verily, we have created you from a single pair of a male and female and have made you into nations and tribes that you may know each other. Verily, the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous. A pious human has more value in Allah's sight than a non-pious human, and piety is not for us to judge another people based on their behavior. Piety is only to be judged by Allah, because he alone knows the condition of someone's heart. So let's keep the value and worth separate. Worth is intact.
Speaker 1:Value goes up and down, and one value that we all pursue is that of taqwa, more and more belief in Allah SWT, righteousness, piety none of which are visible or remotely known to us. About another human being, we can only know what is the level of piety within us. We can only know what our belief level is, and most of the time we don't even know that because we don't pay attention to our internal dialogue. That's one of the first coaching skills I teach in the Empower Muslim Women program to pay attention to your inwardly generated thoughts, because these thoughts over time turn into beliefs and over a longer period of time they sound factual. So what we do in the program is to purify our intentions after becoming aware of them, and we elevate our intentions to the highest standard so they align with our actions.
Speaker 1:You can only use worth and value interchangeably if you are applying it inwardly towards yourself, as soon as you start to measure how much you are worth based on your righteous acts. You have actually started talking about your value. Value, in other words, is your quality as a good human being that is based on your actions, contribution, service, self-actualization and backed by your internal state of alignment, meaning your actions are aligned with a high level of belief. Worth is different from value. Your worth is inherent and intact 100% of the time. Your value, your quality, fluctuates based on your actions and intentions behind those actions.
Speaker 1:A woman's worth is 100%. While she might be valued for her character, her intellect, her spirituality, her ability to contribute meaningfully to the world around her, a human being's worth is unalterable. It is an unassailable truth set at a perpetual 100%. It is a constant, unaffected by the fluctuating measures of success, achievement, dress code or social approval. A woman's worth is not a prize to be earned through accomplishments or material acquisitions. It is a divine gift, inherent and eternal, given to her and every human being in a form of a soul. The notion that a woman's worth remains intact from birth until death and even beyond into the afterlife, is deeply rooted in Islamic teachings, which affirm that every human being is honored and dignified by their Creator when Allah swt gave each human a soul pure on its fitrah, a soul that is closest to Allah swt in its purest form. So since we have kind of set the record straight about how to interpret value and worth differently, we can move on to help you understand how to become a high value woman and I always say this about the language we agree on a set of language so that we can move on to create more advanced understanding of our life, creating a better quality, and so that we can have more nuanced conversations about it.
Speaker 1:Worth is inherent because Allah created you. Value is from the quality of your contributions. Worth is intact for every human being. Value is what gets you into paradise. Inshallah. Now, your perceived value by others will go up if your self-perceived value goes up, and you do that by completing your belief in your inherent worth as a human being. First you must have that foundation in place, otherwise you're not going to be able to create a highly valuable you. Your value goes up by building on your worth and working to increase your value by having more and more taqwa, higher and higher forms of God consciousness.
Speaker 1:If you believe that your value is defined by how you dress or how you look, then other people will believe that a value. If you believe it's by your expertise and contributions, then that will become their standard as well. But the key is that you have to believe your value first. If you believe that your value comes from your measurements, porcelain, skin, then that will become the standard. If you believe that it comes from unshakable faith in the teachings of Islam, then that will become other people's standard for you In your understanding of how you want people to value you, all you have to do is decide what you want to value for yourself. That's it. Nothing wrong with you extracting value from your dress, size, the contours of your body, the symmetry of your features, but that's the level of value you're choosing to hold yourself to. Then that's what the world will measure you against. And most women are doing that. But most women are doing it because long-term, subliminal cultural programming, media, movies all of that chooses that for them. You can choose your value to be physical features. I just want you to be aware of that choice you're making, if you're making it.
Speaker 1:But I also do believe that that's the shallowest form of value that a woman can add to herself, especially if it's a way of feeling belonging in a form of a man's gaze. It is a very subtle belief that many women carry, including myself. This is a result of rather innocuous form of misogyny discrimination against women as being inferior just because they don't meet the standard beauty that a man dictates. Do looks add value to a woman? In a bigger scheme of things? Absolutely. That's how the society is designed, because most women believe it adds value to them if they're appealing to a man's eye Again, rather shallow form of adding value, but it's still there, stripped down to physical features. And I'm not saying don't take care of yourself. I'm not saying let your facial hair grow, stop caring about body odor. I'm not saying any of that. I'm saying do it with an elevated thought behind it, which might just be that my looks have nothing to do with how a man approves of me, and you get to believe it.
Speaker 1:A lot of people these days throw the world value around. What does that even mean? What do they even mean? It doesn't matter. What matters is what you are making it mean. You have a choice to making your value be anchored in hard work, conscious parenting, creating successful business, or just your looks. What determines the difference of what kind of value you're choosing yourself, if you're allowing physical features, your service your level of faith to determine your value. The only difference among all of them is your thoughts. If you lead a workshop on advanced coding techniques but your brain is primed to believe that your suit has to be tight in just the right spots, then, and only then, your mind will be able to drive your value from your appearance, then that's what everyone else will focus on as well. If you think your value is from your presentation, quality of your ideas, drawing admiration and respect for your dedication to your job, that's what everyone else will focus on as well. All you have to do is choose to believe that your contribution, your effort, your learning and your skills bring you value, and that's what will come true. What you consider to be high value makes you a high value female. Whatever you choose, your brain will follow suit, because the subconscious mind loves to create evidence for what the brain believes. Again, worth is inherent. It's always beyond the value you give to the world. Every human being is a masterpiece of divine creation. Just this perspective alone is a powerful antidote to the relentless judgment imposed by the contemporary beauty standards.
Speaker 1:Quranic verse lakad khallaqna linsana fee ahsanita qawim Indeed we created the human being in the best design. Surah At-Teen, ayah 4. This design transcends physical form because, in the very next verse, allah SWT says that, despite this design, there is a possibility of human beings to descend into the lowest of the low. How is it that, with the best physical attributes, you can be regarded of the lowest of the low form? That's when you choose low values for yourself. The word taqweem used in this ayah, based on Qaf, waw, meem, the three Arabic alphabets, signifies an upright character and spirit. You're one true nature, that is, your soul, crafted in the highest form. But your stature in the universe is ultimately determined by your actions and choices, by your adherents to the path of righteousness in the face of challenges. This narrative of being created in the best of design but having the potential to be low is the testament to your inherent potential as a human being, because making the choice and aligning your life with the spiritual and the high moral blueprint is what defines you, and these values is what I'm trying to emphasize here.
Speaker 1:Given that the worth of a human being is always 100%, your inherent worth is intact. You have the option of creating the value you want to contribute towards the world, and that fluctuates. That could be your contributions, sincerity behind your actions, and actions are always merited based on their intentions, and that's the race here. I believe what makes a high value female is the standard of our intentions behind her actions. A high value female is the one who has the highest form of thoughts about herself, about the people around her, about her abilities, about Allah swt. Worth doesn't determine your standing in the afterlife. Value does, and the value you contribute to the world can go up and down based on the righteousness of your actions.
Speaker 1:Consider the full inherent worth to be a factual statement, something that Allah swt has already declared in your favor, and he has said that he has made human beings in the best design. You don't get to argue with that with your self-limiting internal dialogue. If you were considering your inherent worth to be more or less than 100%, it's because of your thoughts. It does not change the fact of the statement. This sanctuary of a belief that your self-worth is always intact is liberating and empowering.
Speaker 1:This Islamic perspective on a woman's worth transcends the temporal boundaries of this world, especially in a culture where men are believed to have worth just for existing, but women have to earn it, either by giving birth, or by being beautiful to look at or by caretaking in all the right ways or contributing something somewhere in the world. Bahquran lays this argument to rest when Allah swt says that we have created every human being in the best design. So in this era where the image of a successful woman is defined very narrowly by either her assertiveness that resembles masculine traits or her adherence to conventional beauty standards, the Islamic perspective, as usual, offers an empowering alternative. A high value female in Islam defies stereotypes not by being the authoritarian or ultra-glamorous archetype even though you can choose that for yourself if you want that is all-encompassing and wholesome her intellect, her spirituality, compassion, leadership. Then there are challenges against internalized racism and sexism. All of that impact your self-perception.
Speaker 1:Living in the world where prejudice exists, it's common to absorb negative stereotypes and biases. But you, as a high value female, have the tools to recognize these false hoods and their imposed beliefs. You understand that your value and the identity are not defined by the color of your skin or your ethnic background, but rather your character, actions, faith. It's about reprogramming your mind to celebrate your heritage, to be proud of your culture and to see diversity as a strength, not a liability. That's a high value.
Speaker 1:Beliefs based on financial scarcity also create a low sense of value, a world where it's very easy to equate success with wealth. It's easy to feel less valuable when you're facing financial challenges, but what you need to understand as a high value female is that your worth is only tied to your net worth if you choose to believe so. You know that money is easy to earn when you hold yourself in high regard and when you can choose to believe that richness comes in many forms Knowledge, spirituality, relationships, character. If you're struggling with financial scarcity, work on developing a mindset of abundance and trust in Allah's provision. Focus on being resourceful, on gratitude for what you have and on the belief that your financial situation does not define your value as a person, that you can have more money and you can choose your net worth to define your value. All of those are options.
Speaker 1:Modesty in Islam is not just a dress code. It's a state of mind. It's about carrying yourself with dignity and respect, both in attire and in behavior. Your modesty can totally be your value. It can be your strength. It's a deliberate choice that reflects your self-respect and your respect for others. The modest approach extends beyond your clothing all the way to demeanor behavior. With modesty, you can be assertive and ambitious when needed, and you can be kind and humble. If you choose modesty as a value, it shifts the focus from superficial judgments to your skills, ideas, contributions. If you consider your modesty as a high value, then other people around you will also consider you as a high value female because of it.
Speaker 1:Leadership qualities can make you a high value female. Leadership from service as an opportunity to serve and uplift others. Leadership in Islam is really synonymous with service, not the same as the toxic assertiveness of current culture. You as a high value leader who sees herself as a role model, not as someone who occupies the pedestal, choose any or all of these qualities to make yourself a high value female. Choose the best quality clothes, cars, self-care, a high net worth, but also remember that none of it will increase your inherent worth. It will only increase your value if you do it from high quality thoughts, and the highest quality thoughts are that of taqwa, closeness to Allah and gratitude.
Speaker 1:When all is said and done, I do believe there is such a thing as a high value female, but if the term high value female stirs in you a desire to be seen by others, acknowledged and respected, this will leave you burned out and consumed because you have based your high value on others' opinion of you. A high value of a woman does not come from societal validation, but rather from self-validation. You could be a leader in your community, a nurturing presence in your family or a trail blazer in your professional field, but if you delegate your validation on others because of these qualities, you have lost your value. Whether you choose a hijab or a miniskirt, business suit or PJs, your worth remains constant and your value comes from your belief in yourself. I personally have decided to consider my value in my practicing of Islam, my practicing minimalism, not just in material possessions but in my thoughts and actions. Value in having financial independence. I have decided. My hard work, my dedication to my family, my constant striving to improve my prayers makes me a high value female. I also choose to dress nicely where makeup and jewelry were needed. I laugh silly and I cry ugly when the situation calls for it, and the unapologetic nature of my choices makes me a high value female.
Speaker 1:I encourage each and every one of you to ponder what being a high value female means to you. It might be in your relentless pursuit of knowledge, your dedication, your commitment to the family or the community. It could be your wardrobe, your makeup collection, your social media following you, the authoritative boss, lady or a parent that you are. Whatever it is, let it be chosen with awareness, reach in continuous self-reflection and grow from your mistakes. After Istaghfar, if you have chosen values from low quality thoughts, it's never too late, because you will make mistakes. It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when. When you do make a mistake, consider yourself a high value female for asking for forgiveness.
Speaker 1:Value is the unwavering belief that you are capable and deserving, a hundred percent worthy, regardless of external validation and regardless of your mistakes. This confidence is rooted in faith, in the understanding that you are the creation of Allah, each with your unique purpose and potential. Allah's mercy is always with us, even if we make mistakes. A high value female knows that her value is not contingent on perfection, but rather on her effort, and she also knows that the worth is never contingent on anything. She knows that her effort involves recognizing her strength and embracing her flaws, not as failures but at opportunities for improvement.
Speaker 1:Being a high value female is about setting boundaries that respect your values and walking away from situations that unsuccessfully try to diminish your worth. With that, I pray to Allah swt. O Allah, the Creator and the Sustainer, you have endowed us with the pure soul, with inherent worth, unchanging and divine. Help us choose our values consciously as well. Help us, ya Allah, to enhance our value through actions that reflect taqwa and sincere intentions. Let us not be swayed by appearances or fleeting validations, but rather let us find strength in your divine guidance through our faith. Protect us from any force that seeks to diminish our worth and still in us the wisdom to value ourselves with the only things that align with your pleasure alone. Amen, yadabu la'a'amin, please keep me in your lauras. I will talk to you guys next time.