Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Illusion of Confidence
Ever found yourself buried in tasks that seem urgent but aren't necessarily important? In this episode I talk about how to tell the difference between façade of busy work and the fulfillment of productive growth. As we navigate through this episode, you'll learn how to infuse barakah into your life, an Islamic concept that emphasizes the significance of intentionality and quality in our pursuits.
What in our lives creates the illusion of confidence, and what is REAL confidence.
I talk about the role of reflection in differentiating between hollow achievements and meaningful strides. The strength found in steadfastness. What is the harsh truth behind your busyness. Better to find out now and change course rather than when it's too late.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uffar. Hello, hello, hello, everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:The idea of this podcast came about because I was thinking about the old days when I used to spend my time feeling like I was spinning on a hamster wheel, constantly running but not going anywhere. And although, looking back, this was many years ago, this type of mentality still finds its way back into my life and I have to be very intentional to keep it clean, because a lot of times, nonsensical busy work finds its way back into my life under my radar. So I decided to create this podcast, because a few seconds of reflection makes this difference really clear to me whether I'm staying busy for the sake of busyness or is it that I'm feeling confident in actually moving forward with what I'm doing, taking steps and moving closer to my goals. In today's podcast, I'm going to describe busy work and how it relates to confidence, what confidence actually feels like and what it pretends to be. In the hustle of daily tasks, meetings, voluntary commitments, it's easy to feel like you're making progress. The ticking of the boxes, the crossing of the items from the to-do list, you can get a momentary sense of satisfaction. This is when we look back on our time and say I feel confident about myself, but this is constant busyness. Is that a true reflection of growth or is it an illusion of busyness masking a deeper need for genuine confidence? Because confidence is a very sought after emotion by every human being and in this shallow busy work we can feel confident that we're accomplishing, but we're just spending energy without moving forward.
Speaker 1:So let me just touch upon the concept of varaka. This is the type of a divine blessing and usually commonly associated with time, where you say if you have varaka, or divine blessing, in time, it expands to accommodate a lot of tasks. But in a genuine case of varaka, it is the quality, not the quantity, that matters. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said Two blessings which many people lose. They are the health and free time for doing good. Reported in Bukhari, this profound hadith urges us to reflect on how we use our time. Are we filling it with meaningful activities that bring blessings, or are we merely filling it with the hustle of busyness that when we look up from this busyness we see that we're exactly where we started and just a little bit more tired than before.
Speaker 1:Busy work comes from a place of fear or insecurity, perhaps the fear of being seen as inadequate or fear of missing out. When true confidence comes from seeking knowledge, applying it with wisdom and trusting in Allah's plan for you, that true, real confidence, when felt within the body, comes with the courage of being in your growth zone, the growth zone where you're uncomfortable but still moving forward. Understanding the difference between productive work and busy work is super important in your pursuit of confidence. Productive work is purposeful and impactful. It aligns with your values and contributes to your growth, and it adds to the well-being of others. It's the kind of work that, at the end of the day, leaves you feeling fulfilled and closer to your goals. You might still feel tired because you have worked, and you might have even worked hard, but you also work smart. You give it your best. This work comes with momentum. On the other hand, busy work is repetitive, unchallenging, lacks long term growth and you're still tired at the end of it.
Speaker 1:Imagine running on a treadmill with the objective of traveling to another place. You're putting in the effort, sweating and feeling the burn, but you're really not going anywhere. It's a powerful metaphor for this busy work. You might be doing a lot, but if actions aren't aligned with your goals in this case, going from one point to another, you're just running in one place, attending every fundraiser, leading all the meetings, volunteering at all the opportunities and filling every moment of your day might make you feel busy, but busy does not necessarily mean productive or even fulfilled. Just a moment of reflection will tell you that it's time to step off the treadmill and start walking the path of intentional growth. I know walking is not as fast as getting there in a car, but it's much better than running on the treadmill. Walking on this path involves making deliberate choices and it requires courage, while busy work gives you the illusion of confidence.
Speaker 1:So how do you actually move from busy work to productive work? You start by seeking clarity. In the Quran, allah SWT says Men of understanding reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam remarked One hour of contemplation is better than one year of worship. Time is relative and what I'm saying is that even 60 seconds of non-judgmental contemplation about your activities can reveal to you if you're doing busy work or if you're in your growth zone, moving towards your goals. And I'm not saying that busy work is not important. It might serve your purpose where repetitive work needs to be done, but it does not need to take 100% of your awake time.
Speaker 1:Use some time to contemplate on your goals, your actions and their alignment with your faith and values. What are you trying to achieve? Are you busy or are you moving? Is it pleasing to Allah, beneficial for your growth, helpful to others or not? So for this next part, I want you to imagine three concentric circles. Which is a familiar and reassuring place? This is the innermost circle. This is where routines are established and everything's predictable. You feel in control and at ease here.
Speaker 1:This comfort zone is a double-edged sword. While it provides a sense of security, it also can lead to stagnation and complacency if you never move out of it. When you spend too much time in this zone, you miss out on opportunities for learning and growth, life becomes static and personal development stalls. The comfort zone might feel safe and it is good to be in it, but it is also good to move out of it into the growth zone. Breaking out of the comfort zone requires a conscious effort to embrace challenges and experiences, even when they induce a degree of fear and uncertainty.
Speaker 1:So the next circle, that is right outside of the comfort zone, is the growth zone. This is your discomfort zone. This is where development occurs. This is a space where you're challenged, where you're learning and where you're engaged in new experiences. It might involve taking a course that expands your knowledge, starting a new project that tests your skills, or just taking a new road to work. This zone exposes you to new people, new environments and, yes, stepping into it can be unsettling. While you might feel unsure of yourself in the beginning, you might even question your abilities or fear failure, but it just so happens that these feelings are precisely that signal growth. Every time you confront these fears and overcome your obstacles, you build resilience, expand your capability and increase your confidence. This is the zone where true confidence lies.
Speaker 1:And the next concentric circle happens to be the panic stress zone. This is where things are overwhelming for your nervous system. There are high levels of stress, anxiety that don't lead to any productive outcomes. Instead of motivating you, this stress zone paralyzes you. This is where things seem unsurmountable, challenges appear too daunting, too big and fears are incapacitating. And it happens to all of us Staying in this zone for a long period of time is unproductive and harmful to your mental and physical well-being. Just recognize when you are in this panic mode, in this stress zone, and take some steps to retreat back into the growth zone, or even stay in your comfort zone for a while, just so you can recover.
Speaker 1:The balance of going back and forth between all of these zones is very important. It's about pushing your boundaries, but not to the point where the stress becomes destructive. Navigating these zones requires self-awareness, self-regulation. It's about knowing when to push yourself and when to step back. Encouraging growth means gradually expanding the boundaries of comfort zone, not leaping directly into the stress zone, not being in panic. It's a step-by-step journey where each new challenge slightly stretches your capabilities and builds on your previous resilience and confidence. Over time, what once was intimidating and unfamiliar becomes a part of your expanded comfort zone. And while the comfort zone offers safety and I have nothing against this comfort zone I love staying in my comfort zone to give my nervous system a chance to relax, recuperate, rejuvenate but staying here too long prevents growth.
Speaker 1:This is the zone where the busy work looks like growth, but it's actually not. The growth zone through discomfort is where you learn and develop the most. This is where you develop the most self confidence. This is where you get better at creating thoughts that make you feel real confident, the true confidence. And then, moving into the panic zone, the stress signal of your body tells you that you've pushed too far too fast, and all it takes is a little bit of knowledge that I've already shared with you and a short time in reflection for you to figure out where in these three zones are you standing. Just balancing between the three and recognizing the signs and knowing how to move between them is essential for your continuous learning. Based on these short spurts of contemplation, prioritize your tasks based on their impact and alignment with your goal, and just be truthful to yourself. Where in the three zones are you actually standing? Learn to say no to things that don't serve you and focus intentionally on objectives that do. And, of course, remember that Allah SWT is Al-Hadi, the guide. Seek His light to eliminate your path.
Speaker 1:Confidence, while it's frequently perceived as a direct result of your achievements the more we achieve, the more confident we become this perspective is rather superficial and transient. True confidence, the kind that is unwavering, resilient and stems from much deeper place in yourself is rooted in your thoughts, beliefs, things that you start to believe about yourself when you're working in the growth zone, when you're learning more and more to trust yourself. It's a state of mind that remains steady regardless of external successes or failure. Busy work, on the other hand, offers a temporary deception of sense of confidence. It makes you feel productive and accomplished. On the surface, you might have completed a long list of tasks. Yes to play dates, dinner dates.
Speaker 1:While all of these actions can be beneficial in their own regard, are they serving as a distraction rather than the steps towards meaningful goals? Just ask yourself this question, and I'm not saying play dates and dinner dates can never be meaningful, but are they distracting you from the goal that ties you to your growth zone? Because that zone requires you to create true confidence in yourself with your mind, while going on endless play dates, homeschooling kids or being a perpetual student yourself is familiar, comfortable, known, and it makes you feel confident that you must be moving somewhere, since you don't even have time to scratch your head In the comfort zone. The mind is tricked into believing that constant activity is synonymous with progress, but without a clear intention and purpose, this busyness leaves you exactly where you started feeling unfulfilled with a hollow sense of confidence. And this confidence is fleeting at best, because as soon as there is no more busy work to do, confidence tanks and it threatens to shatter the whole illusion that we've created. And that's because most of us believe that confidence comes from our actions. We can look back at a packed calendar, a busy day, and say to ourselves yes, I feel confident, things are moving just by the idea that I don't have any time. While confidence actually never comes from your actions, it always comes from your mind. You might be having thoughts about the actions that you took that make you feel confident, and feeling confidence about thinking thoughts about busy work is a shallow level of confidence. So how can you shift from this fleeting confidence of busy work to the lasting confidence of meaningful action?
Speaker 1:Again, start by examining your intentions. Before you start any task, ask yourself why are you doing it? Is it to seek the pleasure of Allah? Has it benefited you before? Is it something that you want to pursue further, or is it merely just so you feel busy? And then focus on the quality of your actions. Perform them with excellence and sincerity. Intentions are always like the GPS, setting a clear and purposeful direction for your actions, and without this clear intention, you might again end up wandering aimlessly. Also, if you haven't been setting intentions, then once you've arrived, just evaluate Is this really what I wanted accomplished? At the end of the hour, at the end of the day, when I sat there and answered all of my emails, was that intentional? Was it that I was escaping from the most important email that I need to send my boss, where I'm asking for a promotion?
Speaker 1:At the end of the day of endless shopping of healthy foods? Was it a goal or did I escape the discomfort of creating a budget or looking at our spending habits? If your financial literacy is uncomfortable for you, then groceries on sale all day has been busy work that gives you the illusion of confidence but doesn't get you any closer to being financially secure. For that, you need to create confidence in yourself, in your ability to learn what you need to learn, and all of that lies in the growth discomfort zone. This zone includes finding out some harsh truths about spending habits that need to be changed.
Speaker 1:Busy work and the illusionary confidence that it gives you lets you escape that discomfort If you spend the entire weekend organizing your home, labeling every jar and sorting every door, but was this to really create a serene living space? Or were you avoiding the challenging conversation with your partner that you know is necessary for the health of your relationship? Sometimes clearing the physical clutter is easier than to face the emotional clutter in a relationship. Or let's say you've taken up running and diligently following a marathon training schedule, but asking yourself is it a commitment to improve your health and endurance, or are you running miles to avoid facing your job dissatisfaction? If career contemplation makes you uncomfortable, no amount of running will get you closer to professional fulfillment. You will still remain incompetent here. Your growth zone might be exploring new career opportunities or enhancing your skills. Marathon running will make you feel really confident in your ability, but this illusion of confidence does not solve the problem of job dissatisfaction.
Speaker 1:Choosing actions that challenge you is important. How much of those actions you choose is entirely up to you, because growth does not happen in the realm of comfort. Embracing the discomfort of growth means stepping into new experiences, being willing to make mistakes. This entire concept of intention, or niyah, is all about being aware, because every action is judged based on the intention behind it. The intention highlights the importance of why we do what we do. Are your actions aimed at seeking the pleasure of Allah, improving yourself, or are they to give an appearance of being busy and productive? Intention is the GPS, reflection is the checkpoint. Acting and correcting based on intentions and reflections is exactly where real change occurs. It's one thing to recognize the path you take, but it's an entirely other thing to actually walk it.
Speaker 1:As you've gone through this podcast and increased your understanding of true confidence, you're more equipped to recognize the traps of busy work and now you are more set up to discover the zones of action where you're growing or where you're just standing because of comfort. There's no need to ever go into panic, high stress mode. True confidence isn't about constant activity. It's never about external validation. It comes from within, from the thoughts you nurture, the intentions you set. It's a confidence that's rooted in purpose and continuation of self-improvement.
Speaker 1:With that I pray to Allah swt. O Allah, the Guider of Hearts and the Mover of Heavens and Earth, as I pour all of my confidence in you, grant me the wisdom to reflect upon my actions truthfully, aligning them with my deepest values and goals. Give me the clarity to set pure and purposeful intentions, o Allah, when I act. Fortify my resolve to embrace the challenges and discomforts that accompany my growth. Keep me steadfast on this journey of self-improvement, away from the illusions of mere busyness. Let my steps be firm, my heart content, my actions speaking only to your divine pleasure, and my time fruitful and filled with barakah. Amen, ya Rabbal Alamin. Please keep me in your doors. I will talk to you guys next time.