Did you know there's so much more to living a truly genuine life as a Muslim woman?
In this chat, I break down the myths about being authentic. It's not just about doing whatever you feel like. How do you balance listening to your immediate emotions and still stay true to your deeper values and big dreams?
Authenticity isn't just about the here and now; it's about thriving. Islamic teachings provide a unique perspective on being real that's often missed because it's easier to go with the flow.
This heartfelt talk is an invitation to think deeply, adjust your path, and celebrate a life that's genuinely AUTHENTICALLY yours, guided by rules set forth by Allah.
Join us for an episode that's more than a talk. It's a step towards a more aware and satisfying life.
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If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
https://www.islamiclifecoachschool.com/appointments
Did you know there's so much more to living a truly genuine life as a Muslim woman?
In this chat, I break down the myths about being authentic. It's not just about doing whatever you feel like. How do you balance listening to your immediate emotions and still stay true to your deeper values and big dreams?
Authenticity isn't just about the here and now; it's about thriving. Islamic teachings provide a unique perspective on being real that's often missed because it's easier to go with the flow.
This heartfelt talk is an invitation to think deeply, adjust your path, and celebrate a life that's genuinely AUTHENTICALLY yours, guided by rules set forth by Allah.
Join us for an episode that's more than a talk. It's a step towards a more aware and satisfying life.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If this podcast has benefited you, imagine the value of a one-on-one meeting with me! Click below to schedule your FREE consultation. Discover solutions with no obligation.
https://www.islamiclifecoachschool.com/appointments
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uthar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:I have talked about this topic of authenticity previously, but I also noticed that it being thrown around a lot. I noticed it in general conversations, and everyone means it to be something different, something other than what each of them in a conversation are meaning it to be and what I mean it to be. So I figured I'd dedicate a podcast to the meaning of authenticity and how it applies to us as Muslim women. For now, the way I see it is, everyone is taking authenticity to mean something different, something that serves them, which I'm all for. You can define and redefine any concept that helps you create a life of your design, but I do find that there are some things about authenticity that needed to be pointed out, especially as it relates to our current society.
Speaker 1:Authenticity is when your thoughts are aligned with how you feel, which are then, in turn, aligned with the words you speak or actions you take, meaning your words are truthful and you believe what you're saying with your body. There is psychological alignment meaning authenticity, which involves a congruence between your internal state, thoughts, feelings, values and external expressions like your words and actions. So authenticity by definition is meaning a type of self-congruence, a self-coherence. When there is this level of alignment, people experience a greater sense of well-being. Authentic behaviors, by definition, activate neural reward networks and human beings have a high sensitivity to people who are being authentic. They're perceived as genuine and honest. When you feel authentic and when you're acting in that way, that frequency, vibration, that energy level lets you create genuine relationships. Evolutionarily speaking, the ability to detect inauthenticity in others was important for survival as it related to your trust and cooperation within groups. And even now we're deeply worried to detect when someone is being incongruent. There's, technically, that meant danger and a difference between survival and death.
Speaker 1:But now let me bring your attention to our current understanding of authenticity these days, what our sub-vocal understanding of authenticity is. It has to do more with immediate gratification, continually giving in to your intrusive thoughts, base desires, your lower urges. If somebody cuts you off and you're triggered by their erratic driving and you yell at them and you curse, you release that frustration and with that comes immediate gratification of giving the driver a piece of your mind. This is labeled as authentic. Reaction to your immediate impulse is defined as authentic. You get triggered and you act from that trigger. By this definition of alignment, you act according to how you think and feel, even if each time you're just reacting to a situation, and this can be considered authentic, and technically it is. But what I'm about to point out to you in this podcast is the difference between higher level of authenticity as it relates to our moral and long term values, versus authenticity, as we label it, just by acting on our triggers.
Speaker 1:Imagine a scenario where you, as an employee, is unfairly criticized by a colleague in a team meeting. This triggers you. You react immediately with anger or defensiveness, with little regard to the magnitude of your reaction or the unprofessional nature of your response. It can totally pass as being authentic because, after all, you were being unfairly criticized. But I will point out that this is a lower level of authenticity. This is from your lower brain, because authenticity from a more evolved response would be taking a moment to process the criticism. We approach the colleague privately to discuss the matter, maybe being assertive in public or in private, or even confronting them during the meeting, but with a controlled response. Both of these responses reflect authenticity, especially if you're working strictly with the definition of alignment like I gave it to you. But if you're authentic from a higher brain, you will choose intentionally. You will always be more impactful that way and you will have more long-lasting positive consequences Rather than just the immediate gratification of telling the colleague off. I'm not saying my enemies don't hold the colleague responsible. I'm saying doing it from a triggered state doesn't create as much impact as you would want, and that's because the immediate impression of the situation that your brain creates is not always accurate. Usually, for an untrained mind, the immediate impulse is that of the default setting right out of the box. And again, the tragedy here is that these days it's being described as authentic and being celebrated, meaning if you felt angry in that moment and you acted on that anger, or if you have a desire towards the opposite gender and you act on it because that's just how you feel. That's what's called authentic.
Speaker 1:I Do what I feel like doing, yeah, well, of course you will feel like it because your brain has thoughts about every single one of your situations and you will have feelings about every one of these situations. But is it always the thought and the impression that you want to adopt, the very first impression that your brain gave you. Is that really what you want to choose? When I invite you to the work of self elevation, often the response is I'm just being myself. What is your problem? I'm doing what I feel like doing.
Speaker 1:Especially for people who look forward to conflict and thrive in arguments, there's stances. I'm being myself. I don't care how uncomfortable I make anyone else feel around me. This is my true, authentic self. And I do agree. You're totally allowed to practice that level of authenticity. But I just want to point out that there's another level that you can practice, and the one I choose to practice is from my intentional thoughts and feelings, and from these intentional thoughts I'm still in a state of believing what I'm saying and Acting in alignment with this belief. It's just that I'm acting from more refined beliefs. They come from a better, improved version of myself.
Speaker 1:Before choosing the belief that my default effortless thoughts offer me Authenticity in the postmodern world is about acting on your lower, most animalistic desires and calling it not only acceptable but noble. I don't feel like taking care of my elderly parents. I can't stand my neighbors Just giving in to your default idea of what is more convenient and relaxing and what is right, and then calling it authentic, while, again, it is in alignment with your thoughts and feelings. It is extremely self-referential because the mind is capable of justifying all sorts of evil, just to justify your actions. The mind is extremely creative, but its experience is subjective and it will justify the lowest of the low action if it keeps you in alignment, meaning it will create elaborate stories to justify your thinking, just so you produce feelings and actions in congruence, just so you can feel authentic, your mind will go out of its way to present you excuses, justifications, thoughts that explain your action away. Again, just to keep you in alignment, because authenticity is the highest frequency vibration of an emotion that you can feel as a human.
Speaker 1:And I heard somewhere that the frequency of Authenticity is four times stronger than the frequency of love, meaning it's more pleasurable for a human brain to feel authentic. And, by the way, I heard this comment on the internet and I mean, if it's on the internet it must be true, but I was not able to fact check the statistic. I couldn't find anything that scientifically proved this number of Authenticity being four times stronger and pleasurable than love. I did hear it from an expert in a video, but again I don't have any facts to back it up. But in any case, even Experientially if I am to set aside this lack of scientific evidence that authenticity is more magnetic and powerful than love I can just tell you experientially, by the factor of being alive on this planet, that when I feel authentic it is a highly pleasurable state to be in. It is a powerful, magnetic state. All of this can be called congruence, integrity.
Speaker 1:So again, the point I was trying to make is your mind will go out of its way to present you all of the thoughts to justify your actions, just so you can stay in alignment and integrity, because the human mind seeks and craves that state and it always wants to be in alignment. So another example is if a friend asks me to get together on Friday night for dinner and I say, sure, let's do it, it will be fun. I haven't seen you in so long, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking she's either always late or cancelling plans at the last minute, I will feel incongruent when I'm agreeing to this invite. I'm not believing with my body what I'm saying with my mouth. I'm agreeing with my actions, but what I'm actually believing with my body is that it's never going to happen.
Speaker 1:This state of inauthenticity is very uncomfortable for the brain. So, depending on your previous habits, you will either explain away her behavior yeah, she has so much going on, she's cancelling last minute because of this, that and the other. You can explain her behavior, or you can explain your behavior. What else am I supposed to do? I can't say no to a good friend. Or, for now, I can just say yes and be polite and make other plans at the same time, knowing that this will never materialize. Or the brain will tell you that you can be upset at her and fight with her for not being true to her words. Again, the mind will create a multitude of reasons to prove to you that you are not being inauthentic, or why it's okay for you to be inauthentic and say yes to the invite while you don't believe her.
Speaker 1:From the modern definition of integrity, congruence, authenticity as long as you can justify your actions with your feelings and your thoughts, it's authentic. This superficial level of authenticity does not consider your higher order of thinking. It completely disregards any reflection, any pause and choose response, and it definitely disregards divine authority, meaning you think, you feel and you act just because of you, even if it's annoyance, even if it's anger, rage, lustful desire, regardless of any higher moral standards, only standard being that is what you want. This is what authenticity has become. But what is authenticity supposed to be? And that's what we're going to talk about for the rest of the podcast, because I want to invite the Muslim woman listening to this podcast to hold themselves to a higher standard.
Speaker 1:For example, when I experience frustration or anger, the postmodern view might suggest acting on these emotions directly, labeling all of these reactions as authentic, but in my Islamic practice, I strive and I choose to reflect on these emotions and respond in a way that is true to my faith, my higher long term and moral values. It is always about being honest with my emotion, yet it is also being responsible with how you express and act upon them. Taking care of my parents, even if it's challenging, or showing empathy towards my neighbors, no matter how annoying my otherwise lower brain thinks they are. All of these can also be acts of authenticity in their truest form, but that only happens if you come from more elevated thoughts. Thoughts, like every human being, is created on a pure soul. My responsibility is how I treat them. My long term value is service and contribution.
Speaker 1:Authenticity of thoughts from the higher nature, like I described, reflects a commitment to values and it transcends immediate desires. It embodies a deeper, more holistic form of authenticity. This level of congruence doesn't equal to giving in to the lowest desires of the nuffs and, more importantly, it also doesn't imply a fake humility or toxic positivity, meaning you going around thinking positively about every situation, especially if you don't believe it. What it means is that you don't just give in to your basic desires, like the one of your ego or nuffs. So if you're angry, it's not just about letting the anger take over while you can do it. But in case showing up with anger is not your value and you regret your actions, if you're acting on anger and frustration, then thinking about the situation where you are curious while you're angry and showing up with a different chosen emotion Anger is default curiosity might be the more elevated version of authenticity.
Speaker 1:This higher level of authenticity doesn't mean pretending to always be overly positive. It's about being sincere and true to your higher chosen beliefs, even if that's tougher to do, because the easy way might be reflexive thinking, abrupt reactions and then calling it authentic. My invite to you here is authentic, is reflective, curious, thinking about what you're thinking and choosing a response with your goals in mind, showing up in relationships as authentic, keeping your future goals in mind, making financial decisions, keeping your long term goals in mind, not just giving in to impulsivity because a TV came on sale and justifying that impulsive purchase by calling it authentic. I bought this and that because I wanted to. I felt like it was a good idea in the moment. Yes, of course it will feel like a good idea in the moment because that's what consumer economy promotes and currently you have all of the language that you ever need.
Speaker 1:Based on the current understanding of authenticity, that you are actually being congruent when you're actually just being reactive to the situation, falling for and believing the first story your brain tells you about the situation and acting from that belief. And, like I told you in the beginning of the podcast, yes, in this case thoughts, feelings and actions are aligned, but for a Muslim striving to be a more elevated human being, that is the path to get over the initial intrusive thought, to get over the understanding what feels like a good idea in the moment and graduating to a level of thought that is in more alignment with your long-term values and goals. While you might be in alignment with your immediate gratification brain, you will be out of alignment with your long-term goals. Buying a TV on impulse, yes, you can justify your actions by thoughts that it was on sale and it was a bigger TV, it was a better quality. But if your higher value is that you're saving for a down payment on your house but you can't seem to save up, because every time there's some money in your bank account, the brain explains away all of your impulsive purchases in the name of authenticity, as the modern definition would have it. But then, as a result of all of that, you're out of alignment with your higher order thinking, the brain that wants you to save up and have a house in your name.
Speaker 1:Another example I can give you guys is if someone doesn't return a personal loan, showing up from ego authenticity, you will constantly be reminding them, telling them their behavior is not appropriate and being frustrated and upset at the situation, especially at them. Higher authentic in this case might be letting your reflexive thinking unfold, like being angry and frustrated, but without acting on it, letting yourself be open to other options about the situation, other thoughts, like others don't prioritize paying people back as much as I do. What action can I take to ensure I get my money back? Or for me personally? If I have given somebody a loan, I consider it a gift. If they return it, great. If they don't, I choose not to hold it against them. This is a thoughtful decision I've made way ahead of time because I have seen close relationships get ruined over money. I choose not to give anyone loans that I don't want to gift money to.
Speaker 1:So congruence extends to integrating various roles in life. In my personal life, I choose kindness and generosity ahead of time, while professionally I choose expertise and efficiency. Being in higher congruence means I act in alignment with these values. Of course, my brain will justify arrogance, superiority, a stickler type of leadership behavior, and it will justify it by calling it authentic. But if it is only serving me in the moment and ruining it for me in the long run, then of course it's lower level of authenticity.
Speaker 1:They also say taking up space, being loud, not being apologetic for being yourself is authentic, when practically what it translates to is I don't care who you are, I don't care what anybody says, I don't care what the values of respect are, including religious teachings. If I think you're wrong, I'm going to make it known loudly, verbally, physically, and that is my definition of taking up space and being authentic. And, of course, I always tell you if that is what you choose. No judgment on that, but I want you to be aware. If you think someone is wrong, there are other ways to make your point known, coming from higher levels of authenticity. But I want you to choose from awareness, because true, authentic living is deeply connected to emotional well-being, the long-term satisfaction in your life, the eudaimonic happiness rather than the hedonic happiness. In each level of authenticity, you are more likely to experience positive emotions, but one is longer lasting, has a higher self-esteem and a much better life satisfaction. When I ask you to give up your lower levels of authenticity, I'm not asking you to stay in incongruence, because discrepancies between your values and actions will lead to psychological distress. What I'm asking you is to graduate from lower to higher levels of authenticity.
Speaker 1:Inauthentic living is associated with negative emotional states like anxiety and depression. It triggers stress-related pathways. Authenticity is a state where your reward neural pathways are activated and this is a dynamic process. It is not a static trait. It involves continuous self-exlaration and adaptation. You may experience different degrees of authenticity in different areas of your life at different times, as have been my journey.
Speaker 1:For me, as a Muslim woman, understanding and embodying this level of authenticity takes on a profound significance, especially when contrasted with the post-modern definition of this word. In today's world, authenticity being misconstrued as acting upon your most basic animalistic desires under the guise of being true to yourself. This perspective only promotes a self-centered approach, where actions are justified solely based on personal feelings and desires, even if they conflict with your long-term goals, especially even if they conflict with your higher moral or ethical standards. For me personally, it is immensely helpful to know the difference between these two levels of authentic states. When I'm choosing my friends, when I'm educating my children, when I'm leading my team at work through patient care, when I'm creating different business strategies, what level of authenticity am I practicing? This simple question opens up profound levels of meaning.
Speaker 1:The practical application from this podcast is recognizing which level of authenticity you're operating from. They will both feel good, aligned, integrated, but one will come at the cost of the long term. Begin with this recognition for yourself and then choose with awareness which one would you like to adopt. I choose to practice higher and higher level of congruence. As my understanding of Islamic teachings continues to unfold, I continue to learn what is moral and what is Islamic and, as a state of a human being, I fluctuate between my understanding of both of these states and I fluctuate in my application of them.
Speaker 1:The postmodern interpretation of authenticity is deeply flawed, which leads to actions driven by anger, rage, desire. While I'm not just pointing out the flaws to you, I'm also giving you alternatives. Islam teaches that true authenticity is not just about yielding to your every whim of the nubs, but rather about achieving a balance of what desire you want to practice within the halal bounds and what higher moral directives are aligned, especially which one of your values are aligned with the divine will of Allah swt. This approach requires a constant vigilance over your own mind, just as it does on my own. It requires a surveillance over the mind's justifications. The human mind is subjective and, as smart as it is, it can easily rationalize lower actions under the pretext of self-alignment.
Speaker 1:Again, the key takeaway for you here is to practice and apply this concept to yourself and see where your actions need changing. But I will warn you once you come to a better understanding of your higher level of authenticity and you start to act from it more and more, you will have a tendency to label other people as acting from lower levels of authenticity, which might or might not be true, but if they are not in a receptive state, your discernment will come off as judgment. If you do detect that someone is authentic, only through the channels of immediate gratification. If they are not open to this awareness, you will cause more harm than good by telling them about this dynamic of higher authenticity. In this case, your best option is to lead by example, which is a harder thing to do and it takes longer, but then again we are playing the long game here.
Speaker 1:With that, I pray to Allah swt. O Allah, the most merciful, guide me and all of us to be authentic in the best way possible, in line with your guidance and in line with my faith's light. When frustration or anger knock on my heart store, please help me pause, reflect and seek your guidance just once more, for a moment longer. Grant me the strength to be honest with my emotions, yet responsible in how I respond, aligning my actions, my values, with your teachings alone. Let me see how every soul is pure and whole. Grant me higher and higher levels of value, for authenticity, and grant me strength in the moments when my ego calls and I find it challenging. Grant all of us, o Allah, to embody a higher level of authenticity, only reflecting the beauty of your guidance, and please allow us to lead by example. Amen, yadabu la'alamin, please keep me in your doors. I will talk to you guys next time.