Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Life Changing Art of Protocols
Prepare to wield the power of life-changing protocols . Get ready to illuminate the patterns in your life that require transformation, learn to draft effective mental instructions, vividly visualize desired scenarios, and then execute and tweak your strategies. The beauty of this method is its flexibility, it can transform any part of your life, from your professional etiquette to your personal habits and relationships.
Listen to practical examples, such as taming the impulse-buying beast or navigating the storm of a toddler's tantrum with grace. Gain valuable insights into how the human brain interprets negative and positive instructions and learn why rephrasing our mental directives is critical for achieving effective results. We'll also guide you on how to apply this technique in different contexts, be it personal relationships or professional gatherings. Tune in and start your journey towards creating protocols that can truly revolutionize your life.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach 4 podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uttar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:I know that I tell you guys to always be aware of your thinking to be able to change your actions. Conscious thoughts show up as feelings that you are aware of, that show up as verbal communication or other visible actions. Subconscious thoughts show up as feelings that you are mostly unaware of but are usually sensed as a general discomfort and heaviness in the background of the body, and these feelings show up as non-verbal communication and subtle, unrecognized behaviors. The coaching that leads to change based on this theory is super life changing. But I wanted to see if I can be successful at giving you guys some shortcuts, so I came up with a concept of protocols, and it's super helpful once you get a hang of it. But again, changing actions is mostly superficial work. It's not long lasting work. We have to be able to create change from the level of our thought. I learned about this concept from the Mufti of our local mosque and he was using it mostly in one context, but then I said, why not apply it to everything, so that I teach and practice this religiously in my own coaching, and it is a super life changing concept. I elaborated on the concept. I created a specific method that's replicable and easy to implement. Creating a protocol is about learning from a past event. If it transpired in a way that you didn't want it to, then, according to the idea of the protocol, you would re-imagine how you would want to act in that situation. Here is how you can implement this idea To create a protocol, the first step is to identify patterns you want to change, 2.
Speaker 1:Create constructive instructions, 3. Envision the change by vividly imagining the new scene. And 4. Implement and refine. So step 1. Find your limiting patterns and what you want to actually change. Where you want to do things differently and show up differently, but couldn't or have not been able to so far. Like a work related social gathering, you came off as reserved, quiet or felt out of place, but you want to be charming, insightful, connected to people. This is a moment where you identified what you wanted to change, you reflected on what had actually happened and you want to create something different in the future.
Speaker 1:Or another example is that you buy everything in site because it's on sale, because of your fear of missing out, and it is such a good deal. But now you have won too many items, or items that you didn't need or intend to buy. Or when you spend time with your toddler, you notice that he has a habit of biting and, in pain, you become reactive and scream. You know, logically, toddler doesn't know any better, they don't actually mean harm and you want to change how to deal with this. Or that you know that your kids leave a puddle of Legos and they don't pick up after themselves, and every time you step on them you scream in pain. Or you identify that you are a bad test taker, you have nerves, anxiety, evidence that you don't do well in tests, or that you have stage fright at the slightest notion of visibility, even if it's about speaking up in a group of three people. All of this is just you identifying limiting patterns that you want to change. Everything that I mentioned, and much more, could count as patterns you want to change. Protocols themselves are for everything From seemingly mundane to extremely important.
Speaker 1:So then step 2 is to carefully create a set of mental instructions. This step involves consciously shaping the instructions you give to your mind. If, for instance, you find yourself hesitating to participate in team meetings at work, instead of thinking I shouldn't be scared to share my thoughts, you want to say I will confidently share my ideas In the context of personal relationships. If you find it a struggle to express your feelings to your loved ones, instead of saying I shouldn't hide my feelings, you might want to tell yourself I will openly communicate my feelings, meaning you give your brain language on what you want to change to, but don't give it negative instructions. Don't say next time I'm in a gathering, I don't want to show up timid and shy. Brain doesn't know how to handle negative instructions. The conscious mind can only take positive instructions.
Speaker 1:When you say what you don't want to do, the brain has to create it. In order to avoid it. It turns it into looking for what to do. Don't fall, don't look down. Since the subconscious mind can't think in vacuums. What it hears is fall down, look down. When walking a balance beam, instructions to the brain should be stay focused on the beam, one step in front of the other. Focus on the balance, stay calm. One is a set of positive instructions and the other is a set of negative instructions with a positive intention, which actually doesn't even work. This is why, if you're ever helping someone over their fear of heights, don't tell them don't look down. Their immediate reaction would be to look down. You might want to tell them stay focused on me, keep looking forward. And same thing with the gathering.
Speaker 1:I don't want to appear shy and reserved is not an effective instruction, compared to you telling the brain. I want to appear confident and put together. Or with your relationship with your children. I don't want to be controlling around my kids, especially when they slip up and go against my values that I teach them. This is not an effective instruction to the brain, compared to I want to be a better parent, learning of my kids, correcting them but being empathic about their discomfort. Or if you've been consistently forgetting to pack a towel in your gym bag pattern, you want to change. You will have a tendency to say I don't want to forget the towel next time, but the instructions should really be I will remember the towel next time. Or if that's not believable, then I'm working on remembering to pack my towel every time I go to the gym. One is a set of negative instructions with a positive intent, not so good for the subconscious mind and the other one is a set of constructive instructions, so this will then become a part of your protocol, rephrasing your mental instructions. Your subconscious mind responds better to positive instructions. So instead of saying I don't want to be afraid of taking tests, you want to say I'm becoming better at taking tests.
Speaker 1:Then step 3 of the protocol is about envisioning the desired change. Once you have decided what you want to change and come up with a set of constructive instructions, it's time to vividly imagine the scene where the event will transpire. Will it be in the living room, a restaurant, your workplace, the laundry room? Imagine it with exact detail and where the change needs to be taking place, just so you can rehearse it ahead of time. Imagine how you will be feeling, what you will be wearing. Will you be sitting, standing? Who will be with you, if you're going to be alone or not. Imagine how will you be carrying yourself, what will you be saying, what will you be touching.
Speaker 1:This is a process of association. This creates a memory, not just in the mind but in the body. This way, every time you walk into your kid's room and you imagine stepping on Legos, rehearsing, that pain will remind you how you want to choose to act which is not reactive and angry, but wanting to give them instructions from love to clean up and pick up after themselves. Or when you grab your gym bag and you have a body memory of putting that on your shoulder, that will trigger your mind that you rehearsed remembering putting the towel in the bag. You have to make it vivid. For this to work, you have to really engage in it. This is going to sound foolish if you haven't done it before, but it absolutely needs to happen this way or it won't work. Engage in it using all of your five senses. What will you be seeing? Touching, hearing, smelling, tasting and then association with bodily sensations. What will your emotions be, clearly labeling them. This process of association, which is step three, which is vividly imagining the scene where you will execute your protocol, is the backbone of the entire process. In the beginning, you will spend the most time here In the EMW Empowered Muslim Women Coaching Program.
Speaker 1:I go into much more detail around protocols, around creating change in charged situations, creating grounding techniques and safety, around the memories of events with charged emotions. I also go over protocols of eating food intuitive eating rather than emotional eating, and what you decide on what you will eat and not eat and to only eat what you decided on that you will eat. We also coach on much tougher protocols in life, which is what your practice looks like in the upcoming week until the next coaching session. So to create a protocol, the steps so far have been 1. Identify a pattern you want to change. Start with only one. 2. Give brain constructive instruction rather than negative instructions with a positive intention. 3. Envision the situation where the protocol will be conducted. Do it as a positive instruction. 4. Do it as vividly as possible. Use grounding techniques to create emotional safety for yourself if you need to, and seek coaching if you can't create that safety. And the last step is implement and refine. Seek feedback from yourself and refine what worked and what didn't work. What language around the instructions need to change.
Speaker 1:This fourth step is about practice and the reinforcement of the protocol. Repetition here is the key. The more you follow the protocol, the more natural it will become. Another example is let's say I bought 25 gift sets because they were on sale and all I needed was 12 of them for my e-gift. Self-judgment would say I'm so impulsive, I gave in to the marketing pressure of the sale. If that, indeed, is what happens then. Continuing to judge yourself is not going to help create a different future outcome. It's going to continue to reinforce instructions that I'm the kind of person that gives in to marketing pressure. Instead, create a protocol. It's more loving. It accepts you for your weaknesses and lets you change the future outcome so that you identify less and less with your weakness, going from I give in to marketing pressure to I have ways to be resourceful around enticing sales To believing that one day I can control where I spend my money, only according to my needs, regardless of the sale. And all of this is a gradual, stepwise process Depends on how successful you are in implementing the four steps of the protocol. So here the protocol would look like this Limiting pattern I tend to buy more than I need when there's a sale.
Speaker 1:Number two I will buy exactly what I need to. This is what you need to say. You can also say things like I'm working on buying exactly what I need to. What you don't want to say is I don't want to buy in access. The difference here is positive instructions versus a negative instruction with a positive intention. Then step three here would look like envision the change.
Speaker 1:Engage as many of your senses as you can to engage in the future scenario where this protocol will most likely be useful. In a mall during a Thanksgiving sale, while you're feeling the urge to buy the next best deal, you're feeling excited and you're seeing the big red flash sale sign and you want to just taste the joy of making the purchase. Engage any and all the senses at your disposal to remind yourself that that is the time when you will be executing on your protocol and you will do what you want to do rather than what you've been doing in the past, and this is what will create the change for you to act differently. You will remind yourself in that moment that you're working on buying exactly what you need, and number four would look like implementing and refining. Next time you're shopping, you will experience the slight internal conflict. You will be in cognitive dissonance, and that's okay. You're becoming a person that you're not used to Celebrate what part of protocol went well and what you implemented well and what you still need to change. Process of refining is just reapplying the steps and giving more and more clear and specific instructions until there's a future outcome that you desired. Through careful introspection and imaginative visualization of desired changes. You're creating a robust protocol for personal and professional development.
Speaker 1:All complex businesses run on standard operating procedures. They identify a need, they create a way to execute to fulfill that need and they lather, rinse and repeat. Then why don't we do that, as human beings, I mean, why don't we do that more often? And this is exactly the point of protocols they are standard operating procedures for human beings. In the case of team meetings at work, your protocol might be identify what needs to change. Create a set of positive instructions for the brain. Like I want to take a deep breath and deliver what I have been practicing. Number three envision the meeting with clarity with yourself, speaking, conducting on all of the instructions that you're giving yourself. Remember feeling the excitement or the fear, all the while providing yourself emotional safety that nothing dangerous is actually happening. Number four celebrate what went right and tweak what needs to change and repeat the process.
Speaker 1:Imagine whatever could benefit from a protocol. Is it a pattern of arguments with your spouse, repeated cycles of self-doubt, state of indecision, problems with openly expressing your feelings and, if you want to say things but freeze in the moment, creating more misunderstandings? Or how will you become more attentive in your prayers next time. There are so many places where protocols can be created. Create and implement one protocol at a time, preferably in a situation that is not as charged for you at first like placing a towel in the gym bag rather than dealing with a toxic situation right off the bat. Starting with a less charged situation will help you build confidence in the method and, consequently, you'll develop your own art. So start small and don't implement more than one protocol until you've seen a difference in one area, and then you can continue to expand from there. Keep implementing, assessing and adjusting. Meaning, if you started with a protocol wanting to be more assertive in meetings and it worked, but now the scale might have tipped on the other side, now it might be your time to work on a protocol, to listen more to others' ideas. Or, while you're expressing your feelings more, you might need to be more receptive to other people's feelings, continually implementing and assessing. It's an ongoing process needing ongoing change.
Speaker 1:I am practically obsessed with this method. Every little moment I get, I am imagining and reimagining my actions and reactions in a given situation. This particular strategy of protocols have been a lifesaver. I won't deny I've had a habit of being impulsive, especially when it comes to reacting to conversations or comments that challenge my beliefs or opinions. First it looked like me being paralyzed because I've internalized somebody else limiting belief about my faith. Then I would become angry or reactive in the name of righteous anger, but either state of paralysis or high energy anger didn't serve me well.
Speaker 1:As a Muslim woman, I often find myself in situations where I need to explain my practices and lifestyle, like wearing a hijab, for example. There have been instances when a remark, though perhaps not meant to hurt, ignited a quick, unthoughtful response from me, often leaving me feeling regretful and misunderstood. So I create protocols and situations like this in advance. Let's say, for instance, I anticipate a social gathering where there might be discussions around religion and lifestyle choices, which happens to be very frequently because I live in a red state. I prepare myself beforehand, deciding on how I will respond when the topic of my modesty comes up, or the topic of my dress code, of my belief system comes up. Or I imagine conducting on a protocol when an auntie asks me very charged questions, apparently just out of her own curiosity, but they are very triggering to me.
Speaker 1:Protocols come very handy in situations like this. The key is not to just create the protocol, but also rehearse the associated thoughts, emotions and actions in my mind. I visualize myself in a social setting the sound of the casual chatter, the cold drink in my hand. I imagine a friend or an acquaintance questioning my choice of wearing the hijab, or an auntie asking how is the project going, when she knows full well that I quit it six months ago. I practice feeling calm and understanding instead of defensive. I picture myself responding with grace and patience, explaining my choice as an expression of my faith, not as a sign of oppression, which is most often is what they are trying to prove to me it is.
Speaker 1:This mental exercise helps slow my immediate reaction in the actual moment, giving me a chance to recall my protocol. This pause, no matter how small, enables me to act more intentionally, aligning my actions with my values of peace, patience and respect for diverse perspectives. This whole process has an immense therapeutic effect. Instead of being hard on myself when a conversation doesn't go as I hoped, I know I have a plan for next time. It soothes the sting of regret, reminding me that I am continuously just learning and improving, and it delivers monumental results. You will come to see that the more you practice the protocols, the more subconscious and habitual patterns they will become and, once memorized, like that, you wouldn't have to continue to spend so much energy in creating newer protocols and practicing them. They will become habitual patterns. The more intentional and higher thoughts will become habitual. So note down this idea of protocols. Because of the steps involved, it's going to take some time for you to practice. Come back to this concept as often as you like Again, write notes, and I often come back to this message myself, because I do believe that this message is absolute fire.
Speaker 1:Alhamdulillah, with that, I pray to Allah swt. O Allah most compassionate, the most merciful, I turn to you for guidance in everything I create to help others. O Allah, guide me and all of us as we seek to control our impulses and navigate this worldly life. Make self-control our true strength, especially in the moments of heightened emotions. Grant us the wisdom to make responsible decisions. O Allah, help us in the moments of challenge. Help us remember our plans and respond with grace, patience and understanding. Make all of our actions in line with our deep faith values and make those faith values to be of the people of Jannah. Let us remember you, o Allah, in every moment, small or large, where you can guide us to act in a way that pleases you alone. Ameen, yadabu laa aameen, please keep me in your dharaz. I will talk to you guys next time.