Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Self Care isn't about YOU
Imagine if there was a way to quieten that relentless inner critic and replace it with a voice of compassion and self-love? We're here to help make that a reality. Join us for a deep exploration of the struggle many women face when embracing self-love and self-care. Drawing from the teachings of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, we reveal how self-care can actually be a pathway to improving our relationships with both ourselves and others - a fundamental part of our faith.
The act of caring for oneself is not just about the act itself but the energy and intention it brings. When we embrace this mindset, we can serve ourselves, others, and Allah in a more meaningful way. As we discover the importance of rest and learn to recognize when it's needed, we can honor the blessings of our bodies and minds.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Applying tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uthar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:Today I wanted to talk about a very common theme that I see in my practice of coaching and that has to do with either a woman that will be facing a challenge and difficulty keeping up with their busy schedule, or difficult relationship that she doesn't know how to handle, or an ambition that's going unmet, or her inability to keep attention at tasks that is taking a toll on personal and professional performance. Among all of these seemingly unrelated scenarios, there is a common underlying theme and that is that women have a lot of judgment for themselves. This judgment blocks compassionate questioning, it blocks self-reflection, it blocks recognition of points of control over human and when that information is not available, human beings keep circling in the problem. That's when these women try and seek out coaching. Of course, everyone is always welcome to seek coaching. I get coaching. This is not to discourage you from seeking help. I practice all of these ideas that I describe in this podcast and I get coaching regularly. I'm saying the lack of self-compassion, self-love and unconditional self-acceptance is the primary process behind your inability to come out of your difficulties. So if self-love is the answer, why aren't women practicing it more? I mean, it should be easy. It's recommended by every change worker that I know of. It feels really good once you get a hang of it. So why don't more people engage in it? Why don't more people create self-love? And that's because unconditional self-acceptance is much easier said than done.
Speaker 1:Staying in compassion and loving understanding of yourself, with your strengths and with your shortcomings, is fierce work. Because you are working against your inner critics, your jinn companion, otherwise known as the Qaneen in Islam, that shaitan that is injected into humans at birth. And this is not a defective design, it's actually a superior design. The inner critic, or the shadow side, as they call it in modern psychology, rigs everything against you. It shows you as your faults. It makes you identify so closely with your obstacles that it looks like that you're a part of them. Maybe they're financial obstacles, maybe they're intellectual, maybe there's low emotional intelligence, maybe it's poor attention span. The inner shaitan makes you believe that it is you and makes it impossible for you to create self-love. Self-love is the only universal ingredient that you need to create positive change. And because of that I decided to dedicate a whole podcast to try and make self-love easy for you.
Speaker 1:When women think of self-love, we think of acts of self-care like rest, relaxation, solitude, restoration all of that for introverts and otherwise connection, exchange of ideas, meeting up, hanging out, chilling with other people all of that for extroverts. All different ideas of self-love and acts of self-care. Either way, no matter what your acts of self-care look like, the acts themselves aren't as important as your energy that you bring to these acts. And no matter what your acts of self-love look like, they will not be restorative if you're doing it to escape your inner critic, escape the pain, trying to hurry up and relax with hopes that your mind chatter will eventually stop. It actually doesn't work that way. Acts of self-care aren't as important as your thoughts about yourself during those acts. And to help you elevate your thoughts behind your acts of self-care, I came up with the perfect solution. I'm going to help you understand how your acts of self-care, how your energy behind all of your self-love and thoughts of self-love aren't selfish. Your acts of self-care aren't about you.
Speaker 1:When I coach people into their understanding of their complete self-worth, first objection women give me is if they do something for themselves, it feels selfish. I know that women, by nature, are deeply empathic creatures and from the time we were young, we're socialized to serve others, and this conditions a large part of our nervous system to always put others first. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing in itself, but it often happens to such an extent that we as women become programmed to prioritize others over our own well-being. But what if we could turn this social programming to our advantage? What if I could show you that self-care isn't about you and it's actually about others? By shifting into this perspective, I believe we can start to overcome the initial mental hurdle of feeling that prioritizing ourselves is wrong or selfish. Eventually, with this new mindset, you cultivate self-respect, self-love, self-actualization, not just for the benefit of others but also for your own sake as well. There will be a graduation ascension, if you will. Through today's podcast, my aim is to help you see self-care and self-love in a new light, to turn that objection that self-care feels selfish into a really distant memory. Stick with me and I'll share how this can be done.
Speaker 1:Let's just consider the effects of my self-care on my relationships. When I take care of myself, I'm investing in my capacity to be a better friend, better family member, community member, and if I'm feeling run down or stressed, I am more likely to respond impatiently to others. I have less energy for the interactions that make my relationships strong, but when I prioritize myself and take my self-care seriously, I present my best self to those around me. I have the patience to listen, the energy to be present and the emotional stability to empathize and communicate effectively. The same applies to you. When you replenish yourself, you have more mental stamina to fulfill the work of your closest relationships around you.
Speaker 1:Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, emphasizes on maintaining good relationships with your brothers and sisters. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said the best of you are those who are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family. I'm Mary Perrport and I dit Germany. How are you going to be the best of your family when you are spent so? Self-care isn't just for me. It's a way for me to live up to my highest expectations, expectations that I create for myself in relationships based on this prophetic teaching that I need to be my best self when I am around people that I love. Values of treating others with kindness and respect when it comes to your impact on your community.
Speaker 1:Self-care isn't just about you, it's about us. When you each engage in self-care, you contribute to a healthier community. When you choose to eat a balanced diet, engage in regular physical activity or manage stress through prayer, meditation or other stress relieving outlets, you are not only taking care of your health, but also setting an example for those around you. The concept of umma, or community, is central in Islam. If you want to follow habits that seem selfish to you, a little reminder that you can create for yourself is that you are setting an example for others. To inspire an umma, you are fulfilling an obligation to encourage good habits in your community. And Allah SWT says in the Qur'an Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good, that is, islam, enjoying al-ma'ruf, that is, which is good and beneficial, and forbidding al-munkar. What is wrong, either? Polytheism and disbelief, and all that is wrong in Islam, and it is they who are successful. Chapter 3, ayah 104. So when you are committing to self-care, you are committing to the well-being of people around you. By extension, your choices inspire and motivate others, and you are not only fulfilling the duty to yourself, but also to your fellow Muslims and your broader community.
Speaker 1:A Muslim woman, the multi-tasking, energizer bunny, juggling multiple things at a time, working inside and outside the home, managing household chores, caregiver of the family members, taking care of the children you and I know that the continuous cycle of these responsibilities leads to exhaustion. It will make it difficult for you to be fully present and engaged with your children, and very often I hear I don't have time for self-care. But let's just understand that self-care isn't just about grand gestures of lengthy routines. It's about your attitude towards any small act that you have towards yourself to manage or squeeze into your already busy schedule during the moments in your life. A five-minute breathing exercise, a walk during your lunch break, putting on your favorite nail paint on your thicker week if that brings you joy or even just taking a moment to enjoy a cup of tea all of that are acts of self-care. Self-care isn't about lengthy routines. It's about how much acceptance you're showing yourself when you're doing any of these acts, no matter how short and how long they are. More importantly, my answer to the objection that I don't have time to do self-care is that you don't have time not to do self-care when you're constantly running on empty.
Speaker 1:It takes a toll on your physical health, your mental well-being, your interaction with others. The time and energy spent dealing with the aftermath whether it's health issues, emotional burnout or damaged relationships because of your reactivity far outweighs the time invested in self-care. So, in a way, by prioritizing self-care in the front end, you're saving yourself time and energy in the long run by many folds. You're exponentially saving time and energy in the long run. When you think of self-care as a luxury and over the top, that's when it feels selfish, that's when it seems unnecessary.
Speaker 1:Self-care isn't selfish or a luxury. It is the most fundamental necessity to your well-being and to your quality of your relationships. When I practice self-care, I'm not just taking care of my health today, I'm helping ensure my health in the future. By prioritizing a balanced diet, taking time to exercise, taking enough sleep, managing stress by managing my mind, I'm reducing my risk of health problems down the line. Self-care is the best preventative medicine that you can do today. The Prophet Peace be upon him said Take benefit of five before five, your use before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied and your life before your death Narrated by Ben-Abraz. If your self-care looks like taking care of your health now versus treating a disease process later, that self-care is not selfish.
Speaker 1:Also, many of us are in very high-demanding careers, productivity being tracked at every turn, quotas that need to be met. If you don't release that stress at the body's level from time to time, either by unwinding, breaking away, going off the grid or whatever that break looks for you, if you don't release that stress that takes a big toll on your productivity, it will affect your creativity. It will make a disconnection from your own needs and values. When you're forcing yourself to work from exhaustion, you're more likely to make choices that prioritize efficiency over ethics. It's so easy to forget that how you feel physically and emotionally has a significant impact on your ability to work effectively. When you prioritize your mental health through mindfulness, prayers or talking to someone you trust, you're likely to find that you're more productive and engaged at work.
Speaker 1:Or, for the many of us that are in the health care field hospitals, clinics, field work when you're overworked, your ability to provide attentive and empathic care will be compromised and you'll start to question your intentions of why you came into this field in the first place. Allow time to dissociate, not just for your own well-being, but also for the quality of the care you provide to your patients. The tendency of people who already work hard is to work harder when they feel burnt out, so they can escape the feeling of inadequacy when really just a little rest is all that's needed. Rest with the acceptance of yourself and that you will be fulfilling your duties when you're rejuvenated. Prophet Peace be upon him said the best people are those most beneficial to other people. To be beneficial to others, we need to be at our best, both physically and mentally.
Speaker 1:When I practice self-care, I'm not just helping myself. I'm also setting an example for others, especially if I'm a parent or in a leadership role. By demonstrating that self-care is a priority to me, I'm showing my children, my team members or anybody who looks up to me that their health and well-being is also important. Self-care isn't about you. It's about being a role model. When I take care of myself in a way that's sustainable, I'm not only benefiting my own health, but also helping others take care of their health In the context of family, community or the planet at a larger scale. My self-care becomes a form of me giving care to the world around me, impact that is far beyond myself.
Speaker 1:My intention here is that everyone listening to this finds a way to be comfortable with putting yourself first. I've shared how this idea aligns with our faith and how self-care is far from being selfish, but at the end of the day, my deepest hope and prayer is for your nervous system to become at ease with doing things purely for your own benefit, because that alone is a valid reason as any other. If any of the ideas I've shared in this podcast helps you take the initial steps towards prioritizing yourself, then I encourage you to use it. I have no doubt that once you experience the benefits of self-care and self-love, you'll start to do it just because you want to, because you will see the benefit of it. You will eventually start to do it because you want it for yourself or simply because an opportunity presents itself.
Speaker 1:The goal is for you to appreciate that taking care of yourself isn't a luxury but a necessity for your overall well-being and for the quality of your contributions to the world around you and, above all, for your spiritual connection to Allah swt. Your limited opinion of yourself makes you blind to Allah's mercy when you are stressed and burnt out and forget to see the countless blessings that are around you. That isn't about Allah. It's because you haven't worked on yourself. May Allah swt protect us from our limited views.
Speaker 1:With that, I pray to Allah. O Allah, help us remember that our bodies and minds are blessings from you and that taking care of them is a form of gratitude of these blessings. Let us not see self-care as an act of selfishness, but rather as an act of worship. Give us the wisdom to recognize when we need rest and the courage to take it. Show us how to balance our obligations to others with our obligations to ourselves. Help us realize that in serving ourselves, we are better equipped to serve you and others. Please keep me in your door, as I will talk to you guys next time.