Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Ostentation in Social Media
Ever wondered how much your intentions influence your spiritual practice, particularly in the world of likes, shares, and retweets? Let's explore this pivotal question together in an episode that might make you rethink your next post.
In this episode we tackle the profound topic of intentions in worship and the unforeseen impact of social media on our motives. We'll dig deep into the subconscious promptings behind ostentation and our innate fear of seeming inferior to others. Bearing Quran's stern warnings against performative prayer and the Prophet Muhammad's teachings on ostentation as a form of idolatry, we'll question our actual motivations in communal worship.
Pushing the boundaries of our discussion, we'll venture into the challenging realm of social media and its role in maintaining pure intentions. It's a platform that could easily turn into a stage for vanity. We'll reflect on the power of clarifying our motives and asking for forgiveness when we falter, and how we can convert our visibility into a force for good. Highlighting the significance of sincere intentions in prayer, we'll investigate their impact on our relationships. This episode is your invitation to resist the lure of turning prayer into a performance, and instead creating a deeper connection with Allah.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uttar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:A lot can be said about the topic of ostentation, uriyah, showing off, vanity. Treatment of showing off is becoming secure with the self. When the subconscious mind runs a script about how well do I appear, how well do I look, what it is really feeding on is your insecurity that you don't want to appear less than Appearing less than is a thought. All thoughts create feelings. Deep background script of I am less than will have you feeling less than and will have you either acting less than or acting greater than life. Just to overcompensate, you might be spending more than you mean, just to counteract the fight that you are feeling. To me, the cure to ostentation is genuine, secure self.
Speaker 1:You know, sometimes we can get caught up in how we are seen by others, especially when it comes to our religious practices. In the Quran there are strong warnings against becoming distracted during your prayer and performing for others. Surah 107, I have 4 to 6. Woe, then, to those who pray but are heedless in their prayer. Those who do good to be seen and deny people the articles of common necessity. What this helps me reflect on is my own serenity in my prayers, and this really strikes a chord in me. It makes me reflect on intentions during prayers. Are we truly focused on the spiritual connection with God or are we merely concerned about how we are perceived by others around us? Because if it's the latter, it's not truly the prayer, it's a performance. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him shared a deep insight on this topic A hadith in which he said thing he feared most for us was the lesser idolatry, or al-shirqa az-ghur. When asked what he meant by this, he simply said ostentation. That really resonates with me. This tells us that when our actions become more about public perception than sincere intentions, we are straying from the spiritual path, going on the path of idolatry. May Allah protect us.
Speaker 1:For example, let's say you're in congregation and you start questioning whether you're praying for God or for the people around you. You may think that if you're praying in public, the default answer is that you're showing off. But is it Really? It's up to you to purify and elevate your intention. Maybe you're praying in a group because you feel a sense of unity, or maybe because you want to encourage others to pray. Perhaps it's because you feel a deeper connection with your faith when you're in company of others.
Speaker 1:If you question your intention and don't direct your mind to degenerate the answer, it will generate an answer based on the primitive brain, based on fear, seeking comfort or avoiding pain or conserving energy. The very fact that you're questioning your intentions puts you in a more self-aware category, which is better than mindlessly doing your prayer as a transactional act anyways. But when you do ask that question, the next step is to really hear the answer. Part of you will say I want to be seen, I want to be known as someone who prays, I want to be acknowledged. This is a fear-based brain generating stories so you can continue to belong to a group, so you're not outcasted, which is the biggest threat to the primal brain. So a part of you will say all of this just so you can belong. But then there is your higher brain, which is the more responsible part of you.
Speaker 1:It provides more, better alternative answers and the answers may be that you're praying in a group because you believe in the hadith of the Prophet peace be upon him when he said praying in congregation is superior to praying individually 27 times. You may be praying in a group because you find it helps you maintain focus and concentration in your prayers. It reduces distractions of the surrounding environment, allowing you to better connect with Allah, all through mirror neurons and body doubling, which are more recent positive psychology concepts. Perhaps you're praying in congregation because it reminds you of the Ummah, the global community of Muslims, this sense of brotherhood and sisterhood that can enhance your intention to contribute positively to the community. You might choose to pray in a group to foster a sense of discipline and regularity in your prayer habits. The congregational prayer times will serve as milestones in your day, keeping you anchored in your commitment to your worship. Or it could be that you're praying in a group is a way for you to follow the sunnah of the Prophet peace be upon him and the early Muslims, who very often prayed in congregations. This adherence to the Prophet's practices could be the driving force of your participation in group prayers.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I know that for women they are recommended to pray in their homes, but let's say you are going for Eid prayers or decided to accompany your husband to the masjid, or are teaching your kids the culture and etiquette of being present in masjid with communal prayers. Or let's just say you're an extrovert and you just love being around people and you draw energy from that. If, for any of these reasons, you have decided to pray in Dima, in congregation, then your brain will offer the fear of ostentation showing off and you would want to stay behind. In that case, all you have to do is to tell your brain to be quiet. You will have to tell your brain that you're saying your prayer for other very sincere reasons. That, again, will not be available to you right away and you will have to dig into these reasons.
Speaker 1:So for me, if I'm out on the road and I'm near a mosque better yet, there is jamal time and it's becoming closer then I will go out of my way to attend the prayer at a mosque rather than risking missing the prayer or doing it on the side of the road or even driving over speed limit just to get to my destination on time so I can catch the prayer. But more often than not, when I take that detour, my brain will say you're doing it to show off and in that moment it becomes my responsibility to redirect my brain and remind myself for all of the elevated reasons that I mentioned above that have nothing to do with showing off why I'm going to pray in a congregation the desire of prestige and leadership, desire for prominence, of fame. All thoughts are related to people, referencing people, comparing to and from people. All lower brain, because it creates ostentation. Same leadership actions can come from thoughts to guide and benefit others. Lower brain will say you love the spotlight because you're starting to love attention. Your job is to remind yourself that you're coming from an elevated intention, coming to set an example for others. Also, check if there is an element of truth when the brain says you're doing it to show off and be accepting. If the answer is yes, allow yourself that level of self-reflection without judgment of the answer, especially if the answer is yes, because that level of self-honesty is the only chance to self-correct, especially in the positions of visibility and leadership. Lots of being accepted by others are very subtle and they will creep in, but they will require you to clean them out from time to time.
Speaker 1:So let's now talk about social media. I gave this elaborate prayers and congregation example because this topic is very charged for some of us compared to, let's say, following on Instagram or constant posting or Facebook or TikTok, taking either one of these circumstances prayers and congregation, or showing off in social media. Just check in with yourself. When and if the intention behind is fame to become more visible in front of people just for the sake of visibility, you have to become really honest with yourself and understand when has it become about elevating yourself in front of others and disdaining others? What the ironic part is if that same fame is used to guide and help others, it's praiseworthy and deserving of reward. So I'm going to give you an example which is fascinating to me, because what's coming up for me is that I notice I have an obvious discomfort in mentioning the leadership of the Prophet and the Sahaba in the same breath as the current social media influencers. But my intention behind this comparison is to draw inspiration for the right intentions behind your actions Perceiving the fame as burden, keeping a low threshold of astaghfar and self-correction when you do find yourself showing off or doing it for your image and celebration of hard work, versus when you're doing it to be able to connect with people in the virtual space and using your fame to set examples for a betterment of other people's life and creating opportunities and ease for others and even when you're monetizing your message to create an income for yourself through social media.
Speaker 1:Ostentation is an action that comes from thoughts, mostly unidentified, subconscious thoughts that flow out of desire of showing off. Recognition is easy, through recognition, labeling, course correction, asking for forgiveness. Interestingly enough, your actions might or might not change. Maybe you change your social media strategy when you come to this recognition, or maybe you realize nothing needs to change. All you needed was to come to your visibility efforts with the right heart, with the purification of intention. Your heart follows your internal mental dialogue and as soon as your heart, as a spiritual being, leans towards love of prestige and leadership, your path to the Divine will become blocked. It's not that the recognition by people is bad per se. It's more about why you want that recognition and how you use it.
Speaker 1:When fame is born out of the desire to put yourself above others, it's a cause of concern. But if it's a tool used to guide and benefit others and bring light into other people's lives, it transforms, it becomes praiseworthy. It's deserving of reward. Sahaba, in their effort to follow the sunnah of the Prophet peace be upon him did not seek fame, but it was the side effect of their leadership and the change efforts. They were attributed with fame because of their efforts. Fame is other people's acceptance of your message, the popularity of your image, product, service among a wider population. That's all fame is. How your message gets perceived is not in your control. If you find yourself in fame, then it's not in itself wrong, especially if you have done the work of purifying your intentions and you have a strong message that the masses will benefit from, then fame might even be inevitable for you, given the age of viral 30 second reels.
Speaker 1:Fame is not a measure of ostentation. Your thoughts are. You can be insanely famous and not be ostentatious and have 25 followers and be drowning in ostentation. In the age of social media, ostentation takes a whole new meaning. In the past, the display of wealth, beauty and luxury was maybe localized and limited to your immediate circles at best, but now, with social media broadening the stage, this display has the potential to be seen by hundreds, thousands or even millions of people worldwide. How do you clean up your act when it comes to being an influencer on social media? It is really very simple.
Speaker 1:If you post pictures or videos of your wealth, beauty or luxurious lifestyle, ask yourself with compassion Is this for seeking validation and admiration from the followers. Is this to gain more followers just for the sake of the number, or is it because what I have to contribute will actually benefit someone in some way? This level of self-inquiry will take a monumental amount of self-empathy to be truly revealing, because the inner critic will say of course you're showing off. It will create fear of withdrawal of the likes and the hearts, and the only choice you have left in that situation is that you will have to come to these questions by fully accepting yourself with your mistakes and shortcomings and your strengths and contributions, understanding that you are never really outside of the Mercy of Allah, especially if you recognize your mistakes and ask for forgiveness from a sincere heart. The obsession with likes, hearts and comments can become a measure of self-worth really fast if you don't keep it in check.
Speaker 1:It is problematic from an Islamic perspective because in Islam, ostentation riyah is considered a minor form of shirk association with partners with Allah, like I mentioned in the hadith above, because it involves being performative on social media stage with an intention of seeking praise or recognition from the people rather than purely for the sake of Allah. Then what I might get to hear as an objection is shirk is unforgivable. How would that not put people outside of the Mercy of Allah who are in ostentation? So the scholars say if you die in the state of shirk, never having understood that you are in it, that's when it becomes unforgivable. Anything in life is forgivable by Allah if you recognize your shortcoming, ask for forgiveness and change your ways. Let's say, if you want to monetize your social media presence just on the basis of your beauty, without regard of how it impacts the masses, keep that in a compassionate check. Maybe your intention could be that you are promoting a healthy self-image in young Muslim girls. Maybe you are promoting how other women can become comfortable with their own visibility. Maybe you are promoting for other women how to gain their own voices.
Speaker 1:I am not sure what your intention is or could be. Only Allah knows the true state of your heart in every moment and where it turns and when it turns. But with a little introspection you can identify where your heart has turned when you were inattentive to it and you can turn it back by elevating your intentions and purifying them. The direction your heart turns is under the control of your thoughts, so keep a tight control of how your mind is approaching your social media presence. If, through the will of Allah, you are financially well off and you are posting about your modern lifestyle, wealth, luxury and the like.
Speaker 1:If your intention is to entice envy, discontentment among people who are less fortunate, if you are doing it consciously or subconsciously, by accident, promoting consumerism at the cost of long term well being, just keep that in a compassionate check and go through the process of sincerely asking for forgiveness. Or your intentions could be that you are trying to inspire a generation of people to get out of their limited poverty mindset, to show them what's possible. To set an example. How are you showing up in your reels, your YouTube shorts, your posts? What language can you use in your message that creates more of a motivation and inspiration rather than ostentation? Are you showing up as stuck up? Are you being performative? Are you inadvertently creating a culture of materialism and consumerism? Or are you celebrating your blessings, inspiring people towards contentment, reminding them that whatever tax bracket they're in is from Allah? Through their actions, they can create change if they want it. Through purifying their mind and elevating their intentions, they can, too, come out of their limiting mindsets. Are you the force that is behind that inspirational change I'm telling you all of this because your intentions matter so much, because if you clean up the energy behind your heart, your message will be received totally differently compared to if you were in ostentation and you were not keeping your intentions in check.
Speaker 1:Again, your actions superficially might remain the same, but it will be received completely differently because of the language you're using, because of the purity of your heart, because of how you show up in front of public and this change of perception happens because your verbal and non-verbal communication changes. Your overt actions might remain the same. Your following, your income from your social media, all of that might remain the same. But if your heart is in a different place, not only will you receive the reward from Allah, the people will benefit exponentially more. There will be barakah in your effort, because your results will exceed your expectations and your efforts. The true definition of barakah really is that your success cannot be explained just by your efforts alone, because then the force of divine is on your side. Your intention, showing off pretentiousness, vulgarity, is no small matter, but luckily, with a loving check on your intention and course correction, you can go a long way in a positive direction with all of the resources at your disposal.
Speaker 1:With that, I pray to Allah swa'a notara. O Allah, the Most Merciful, the Ever-Compassionate, guide our hearts towards sincere intentions. Let our minds and hearts be in the control of your Divine Mercy and Wisdom. When we set out to share our achievements and our blessings, let it be for inspiration for others, for strive for the ultimate goodness and a reminder that success and blessings are from you alone. Let our success be a testament to your infinite Grace, insha'allah.
Speaker 1:O Allah, as we stand in prayer, whether in solitude or in congregation, purify our hearts and intentions. Let our prayers not be performative, but rather let them be from a sincere connection with you. If we find ourselves praying in congregation, let it be for the love of unity, sisterhood, discipline and a deep desire to uplift our souls, just to get closer to you, o Allah. O Allah, I ask you to guide our minds, to seek sincere answers. Grant us wisdom to understand that it is not about appearing devout, but it is about truly being devout, for we know, allah, the purity of our hearts influences the impact of our actions on others. Make us among those who inspire change and bring more light to the world. Ameen yarabu l-almeen, please keep me in your dars. I will talk to you guys next time.