Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
From Blame to Power: All about Locus of Control
Do you ever wonder who's really in charge of your life? Today, we're diving into a fascinating chat about something called the locus of control. It's all about whether you believe your life's events are driven by your own actions or external factors, and trust me, it's more exciting than it sounds!
Ever had one of those days where everything seems out of your control? If that sounds familiar, it's possible you're leaning more towards an external locus of control. Let's delve into this concept together, using insights from Islamic teachings, and figure out how to shift towards a more empowering internal locus. This change can help us take charge of our lives, boosting our motivation and resilience, all without blaming ourselves.
But we're not stopping there. Let's also take a peek at the stages of self-actualization to understand the vital role of taking responsibility for our own lives. You'll learn how understanding your locus of control can lead you to a deeper connection with your purpose and align you with the Divine Will.
And hey, it's easy to point fingers at the world when things don't go as planned, right? We're here to challenge that idea and get you back on track towards your true purpose. To wrap up our chat, we'll explore the transformative power of prayer, showing how it can reinforce personal responsibility and give you a sense of peace. Let's uncover together how prayer can bring tranquility and strength into our everyday lives.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uttar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:I've been seeing a lot of references these days in my readings towards internal or external locus of control. I have wanted to create a podcast just to address this topic. Locus of control is a term in psychology that describes your belief about who holds the reins of your life. It's about whether you believe the power of control of your life lies within you, which is the internal locus, or outside of you, which is the external locus. If you believe in an internal locus of control, you see yourself as the captain of your life. You think that your actions, decisions and efforts shape the course of your life. You attribute your successes to your hard work and perceive your failures as mere lessons. This type of a belief system will have you feel empowered and motivated, as you have the sense that, even if circumstances aren't in your favor, you can change a lot just by your beliefs and your actions.
Speaker 1:It's hard to create an internal locus of control if you blame yourself for your missteps or errors. Internal locus of control is the only thing that actually exists. External locus of control is a myth, it's an illusion, and this is what this podcast is about, and by the end of this episode, you will recognize where your locus of control actually is and how to internalize it, if you haven't already without blame, because blaming yourself for your past mistakes feels horrible. What feels better is to blame something outside of you, in which case most of us are living our lives from a place of external locus of control, and the thoughts that come out sound something like this People shouldn't say this about me. People shouldn't think this about me. Things shouldn't be happening like this. All of this is an example of illusionary external locus of control.
Speaker 1:Internal locus of control is about taking responsibility, not blame. You believe in an external locus of control if you view your life as being significantly influenced by factors outside of you, such as luck, destiny, other individuals or uncontrollable events. I believe in destiny, I believe in predestination, but I also don't assign it my locus of control, which, by the very definition of predestination, we know that we don't have control over it. External locus of control is when you perceive your successes and failures as largely being outside of your hands. This belief will lead you to feel powerless or resigned, as you think you have little or no control over your life's events. Of course, like any other belief system, you have to keep in mind that locus of control is also not set in stone. It shifts over time depending on your life experiences and your personal growth. It is a continuum rather than a dichotomy.
Speaker 1:You might find yourself taking a lot of responsibility at times and other times putting blame on things that are outside of you. It varies depending on your context and situation. What I'm trying to say is that our minds trick us into believing that external locus of control actually exists. This is all but a mirage created by the brain. In reality, the power to influence any change lives within us.
Speaker 1:In the light of Islamic teachings, the concept of taking responsibility aligns with the principle of iqtiyar or choice. The Quran repeatedly emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility in your actions. It tells you that you are accountable for your choices, and this accountability and responsibility extends to your thoughts and interpretations, the only aspects that we actually have complete control over. Again, when you are told to take responsibility, it doesn't mean you are being asked to accept blame for everything that happens in your life. Instead, it's an invitation for you to step into your power, to take control of what's genuinely in your hands. It's about managing your thoughts, guiding your interpretations and molding your reactions. When you totally and utterly believe in your worthiness, that you are always 100% whole and worthy, then creating an internal locus of control is extremely easy, because then your identity does not come from your actions, regardless of whether your actions are good or bad. When you see yourself not as the sum of your actions, but rather a pure soul, then creating an internal locus of control is much easier, because your view shifts from self-blame to self-responsibility. Without this, you will always be living under the illusion of external locus of control. If I am to break it down in stages in the hierarchy of control, this is how I mostly see people living their lives.
Speaker 1:Stage 1. Experiencing Life as a Victim. In this primary stage, you are entrenched in the blame culture and refuse to accept any responsibility. You believe that the course of your life is solely determined by external factors. The fault for every occurrence is attributed to others family, friends, colleagues, society, the world at large, the culture, the universe itself. In this primitive type of stage, people attribute every event, every failure, every disappointment to external circumstances or individuals. This mirrors the concept of nafsalaamara, or commanding self, in Islamic psychology, which is predominantly egocentric and absolves itself of any accountability.
Speaker 1:Most people in this stage are not intentionally choosing to be victims. They actually have been victims either of marginalization, discrimination or conditionality of love that they have received all their lives. This renders people incapable of perceiving the power that lies within them, a power that transforms lives, and that is a place of responsibility, the internal locus of control, like in a case of a student who blames her teacher, the school, the rules for her failure. If she is to take responsibility through mind management, she might come to see that maybe she could have worked harder, or maybe she slacked sometimes, or maybe the subject material is just really hard for the type of effort she's putting in. When it's hard for her to believe that she has to put in more hours than any other individual to get the same score, then it's easier for the brain to turn the blame outwards towards the school or the teacher. And they are being rigged against her Because without mind management, if she is in a place of blame, self-blame will show up very frequently that she is not smart enough. And to avoid that pain of this type of internal talk, the blame will turn outwards towards the teacher In this war. She will never be able to see her internal locus of control.
Speaker 1:This is where a lot of students ruin their academic lives, always blaming, escaping the pain of the blame through elaborate stories and evidences about how much is out of their control. They're living lives pointing fingers at what lies outside of them. Or another example of a woman who repeatedly finds herself surrounded in toxic relationships, blames others for their inability to understand her. Or a woman who has struggled with weight blames her genetics or a fast food industry for these outcomes. These are examples of people stuck in the first level of hierarchy, where the blame is predominant but responsibility is lacking. If you are the student who is not doing well in studies, it's possible that you are not smart enough for the course. Maybe the teacher even does prefer other students over you. But you are not going to achieve anything from blame. If you're overweight and you have a visceral love of chocolates or fast food, blaming the fast food industry isn't going to help you lose your weight. Creating irresistible foods is their job. If you find yourself around toxic people, blaming them for their actions will not help you move towards healthier relationships.
Speaker 1:Blame blocks taking responsibility. Blame is the classic sign of victim mentality. This is the first and the most primitive stage in the hierarchy of control. Responsibility in these states looks like asking questions from abundance, questions like what can I do about this? How can I take charge of the situation? What needs to happen from me that will change the outcome? Moving out of this stage requires a genuine introspection, the courage to accept responsibility and the willingness to change. It's a process that comes with creating different habits of mind than you're used to. It's a slow process but is also immensely rewarding. It's about taking control of your nuffs, which is the internal self, which is your own recognition of your own self as an individual, and then you use this self in moving towards more self-awareness and a responsible existence. Then we have stage two of the hierarchy recognizing life as a personal opportunity, and it's about embracing more personal responsibility.
Speaker 1:The transition from the initial stage to the second stage requires that you start to relinquish blame and move into accountability, acknowledging your responsibility alone and redirecting your mind every time it slips into blame. This is you assuming control over your existence, your emotional responses, your actions, your aspirations. When I reflect upon the second stage of the hierarchy, I perceive it as a monumental shift in my perception. It's as if a veil lifts and I suddenly see where the point of my control lies. I can clearly see the steering wheel that I need to take control over If you're struggling with a stagnant career, feeling stuck and blaming the job market, your boss or perhaps even the economy for your lack of progress. But then there's a shift in the perspective. You start to realize that you're not just a pawn being pushed around by external forces. You are, in fact, the architect of your life.
Speaker 1:At some point you are in the second stage of hierarchy. You come to see that your career is not shaping itself. Instead, it's a reflection of your cumulative choices. You then make the decisions to pursue further studies or training, or perhaps even take a risk and switch careers entirely. But before you embark on something new, something novel, I always recommend that you become masterful at the responsibility part and then pursue further studies or change in a career Meaning you fully embrace yourself in the responsibility that you can take in the exact position you're in life now. And then, once you've mastered that, you can think about changing your circumstance and your career.
Speaker 1:The reason I say that is because it's much easier to change your circumstance from a place of blame Like I don't know enough, so I should get more certifications, or this work environment is toxic, so I must escape. If you change your circumstance from a place of victimhood, you will find yourself doing the same thing in the new situation. Instead, I want you to use your current circumstance to recognize your personal responsibility and assume responsibility before you move on to a different situation. I'm not saying assume responsibility for other people's toxic behavior. That's just another form of self-blame. I'm saying really soak in how you can help yourself in a situation and it might be that you can't help yourself and getting out of the situation is the best choice, but again from a place of where you've taken responsibility and you're fully aware of your options and your internal locus of control.
Speaker 1:Such a transformation is reflective in the notion of nafsalla wama, their self-reproaching nafs. In Islamic psychology, it signifies an awakening of self-awareness and the commencement of personal responsibility. This stage of hierarchy is a fertile ground of growth. Mind management at this point will help you better understand your thought patterns, identify negative or limiting beliefs and replace them with positive, empowering ones. This means, instead of believing that your job is as good as it gets, you start to understand that your mindset might be what's truly holding you back.
Speaker 1:Actively starting to manage your mind is the second stage of hierarchy. Locus of control starts to shift from outside to in. Going into this stage of consciousness doesn't necessarily mean that life becomes any easier Life will always be 50-50. But it does mean that when life becomes challenging, you know you have the power to respond effectively. It's about you taking the reins of your life, directing your actions towards your goals and taking responsibility of your own happiness and fulfilment. Then there is the Stage 3 of Hierarchy of Control, and this is about experiencing life through the Divine Allah swt as the center. Very few people are fully able to achieve this level of control.
Speaker 1:Ascending to the third stage entails surrendering to the realization that you are divinely directed. You believe that you have divine mandate on earth and are willing to allow this sense of purpose to steer all of your actions with a full understanding that, at all times how you need to take charge of your situations. In the grand scheme of things, only a handful of individuals ever attain this ultimate state. This stage dictates that you assign your soul to a supreme entity, holding an unwavering faith at all times. Not only do you take control of your actions through abundance and responsibility, through this point of view, you do it for the purpose beyond yourself. This level of hierarchy feels like a spiritual homecoming. You acknowledge that life isn't just an arbitrary sequence of events, but a well-crafted sequence of events, and each event is supposed to transpire exactly as it did. Life unfolds with a purpose, even though you might be blind to what that purpose is for the time being. This understanding that life is happening through you and not just to you. Even though you're not needed by Allah to make life happen, you are taking part in it through your own free will, and you complete your actions through your internal locus of control.
Speaker 1:This stage marks a profound transformation in perspective. Let's consider this scenario. You've transitioned from being a passive spectator of your life to an active participant. Like in stage two, you've successfully found a job that utilizes your skills and your passions, but as time passes, you start to feel a deeper longing, a calling for something beyond personal success. You sense that your skills could be used for a greater purpose, a cause that resonates deeply with your virtues and your understanding of your place in the world. Maybe this means being a volunteer. Maybe it means you elevate your intentions behind what you're already doing in your professional career, and even elevating your intentions in your personal life. But this stage is not just about self-fulfillment through mind management, but it's about contributing to the world at large for a place of self-actualization.
Speaker 1:This stage reflects nafs al-mutuma'inna, or the tranquil self, in Islamic psychology. You've evolved from merely taking responsibility of your life to realizing your purpose. Within a much larger frame of reference. You've gone from blame to responsibility to fulfillment, from external locus of control to internal locus of control to willingly surrendering to the divine through your control. In this stage, the mind management goes deeper, asking you to not only understand your thoughts and emotions, but to listen for the gentle guidance that resonates within you. It involves quieting your mind and hearing the whispers of your purpose To recognize the subtle nudges towards the path that you're meant to take. Entering this stage of consciousness is like opening a door to a larger world. It's about acknowledging that you're an integral part of this universe, with a unique role to play, and that your actions ripple out beyond your personal sphere, influencing the world in ways you may not even realize. This is when life happens through you and you become a wasila or the channel of improvement for the rest of the world. Through this podcast, you've imagined yourself growing from attributing blame to sumi responsibility to understanding yourself as a conduit for divine purpose that you're sent to this earth to serve. In this elevated stage, mind management moves beyond the personal realm. Your thoughts and emotions are guided by higher sense of purpose and intention. It's not just about managing your mind, but about aligning yourself with the Divine Will.
Speaker 1:Understanding these stages of self-awareness and hierarchy of control truly highlight the illusion that is external locus of control. You might feel tempted to point fingers at the world, to lay the blame of your troubles on anything and everything outside of you. I understand it's a comforting, familiar notion to believe that we are victims of our circumstances. Yet if I am to speak from the heart, does blaming the world ever serve you? Does it change your situation? Does it soothe you or does it keep you in turmoil? Does it propel you or does it keep you stuck? The only thing that blaming the world will do is create feelings of helplessness and despair, keeping you away from your true purpose.
Speaker 1:Now, having explained these stages of hierarchy of control, I have to admit they don't lie as a stage completely isolated from one another. Even though I describe them as stages, it's just for our understanding, because most of us are living in a very intricate dynamic of falling down and moving up these stages of hierarchy, and each stage is meant as a transition. Our efforts are to stay at the highest stage for the longest amount of time. Falling off might be inevitable, and such is the design of the noves. Such is the design of human beings in this world. The prophets and saints occupy the highest level, and we work to emulate them through practicing of our inner locus of control. Listen to the past, to others scrolling through social media feeds and have your mind go through how good other people have. It All keep you in the illusion of control that is outside of you. Given that we will be transitioning through these stages, our only comparison needs to be with ourselves from yesterday and how we can improve today.
Speaker 1:With that, I pray to Allah SWT. In the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful, help us move from a state of blame to a state of responsibility. O Allah, enlighten our hearts with the right knowledge so we can stop living under illusions and actually start to take control in the power of our thoughts and start to channel our actions towards good. O Allah, show us the way to become the manifestation of your divine order, serving the greater good in all we do. O Allah, allow us to move up the hierarchy of control, moving from the commanding self all the way to the tranquil self, and stay there for the longest period of time. O Allah, you are the source of peace and from you comes peace. Grant us peace in our hearts, peace in our minds and peace in our lives. Strengthen us in our faith and guide us to the straight path. Amen, yara bul-alameen, please keep me in your dharas. I will talk to you guys next time.