Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Creating a Comfortable Life
Have you ever wondered why we often find ourselves trapped in patterns and routines, even when they aren't benefitting us? That's the allure of comfort – it subtly tempts us into stagnation.
In this episode, I confront the widely held belief that comfort is a trustworthy compass for human experience. I argue that your adherence to comfort may actually be downplaying your accomplishments.
I discuss how open emotions like inspiration, gratitude, and bravery and propose hold the keys to a life of comfort. This may sound paradoxical at first, but it is within our struggles that we find the seeds of growth and transformation.
By seeking strength and wisdom from Allah, we transform our discomfort into actually creating a comfortable life.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. Apply tools that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uthar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you. I am very excited about today's topic of the podcast because the application of this concept is absolutely life-changing and this information is rather eye-opening.
Speaker 1:When we try to do something, we try to measure it against our comfort level. Subconsciously, we're always trying to measure ourselves with what we feel comfortable doing. Comfort is a great measure to keep you safe, but it can also keep you small. It keeps you from growing. Your comfort often is simply a measure of what is familiar to you. The familiar and the comfortable do not always serve as an accurate compass of where you need to go next in life. The road of growth and self-discovery demands that you venture into the unknown, into territories that haven't been explored before, that might feel unfamiliar and unsettling. The point of growth is what you haven't achieved before and, by definition, it is the unknown. And since, to our human brain, only the familiar is comfortable, just following the sensation of comfort will keep you small. Using your comfort before taking any step to judge your capability will keep you thinking that you're not capable of a whole lot. When you try anything new, it will feel uncomfortable, and if you use comfort as a measure of what needs to be done next, then of course you're going to be standing still because you will not be comfortable with the unfamiliar with moving forward.
Speaker 1:In scientific terms, when you're trying to measure something, it should be both credible and dependable. Meaning, if someone creates a test of how to measure a fourth-grader's spelling ability, then all the tests should be able to tell us is that exactly The test should be valid and replicable. It should be credible and dependable. It should not depend on the fourth-graders being tired or anxious. So one of the concepts is called validity in science And the other factor is called reliability. Reliability is when you're able to replicate the results of the test, no matter what the measure is. So if you're trying to measure your weight through a scale, it is highly valid and reliable. It only measures weight of an object and it can be replicated And it's standardized. But there is no such measure of human experience.
Speaker 1:Usually, what we subconsciously use as a measuring device is our comfort level, and it is a skewed scale at best. And I'm going to give you a few examples to make my point. When you've been taught all your life to blend in, standing out will feel like you're being a spectacle and embracing the spotlight will feel scary, but it can be exhilarating if you make it your new comfort level. If you start to measure against what doesn't feel comfortable in the beginning. Just because it's unfamiliar does not make it wrong. If you've always found yourself downplaying your achievements, recognizing and celebrating your success will feel like boasting, but it's really about acknowledging your own worth and hard work.
Speaker 1:There's a fine line between humility and self-denigration And, as a Muslim woman, it's crucial to understand that these two are not the same thing. Humility, in essence, is a virtue that involves understanding your place in the grand scheme of things, recognizing that your accomplishments are by the grace of God and not considering yourself superior to others. Humility is about gratitude, respect for others and sincere reflection. On the other hand, constantly underestimating or undervaluing yourself is self-denigration. This would lead to missed opportunities, diminished self-esteem, poor mental and emotional well-being, and it ultimately will hold you back from realizing your full potential. Falling the sunnah of the Prophet peace be upon him who taught us to be humble but also strive for excellence in different aspects of our lives. A Muslim woman shows humility and for that it shouldn't prevent you from achieving your goals, but rather drive you towards them. It's not to make you overlook your successes, but humility is to inspire you to use your success as a platform for further growth and service.
Speaker 1:Like I said, if you have downplayed your achievements, just recognizing and celebrating it within yourself will feel like arrogance. Just because your comfort level is skewed, your measurement is skewed, like if you worked really hard to master a new skill, such as learning Arabic to better understand the Quran. In this case, just acknowledging this achievement isn't boastful, but rather an acceptance of your dedication and effort, and with this newly gained knowledge you can contribute more effectively towards your own growth, towards the community, or maybe teaching others by example. This is the beauty of humility in action. It allows you to appreciate your achievements while using them for the benefit of others. So, while taking pride in your success might feel uncomfortable, it is not wrong. It is for the testament of your hard work and dedication.
Speaker 1:If you're subconsciously using the level of comfort as your measuring device and all your life you've just been used to nodding along, just voicing your opinion will feel like you're interrupting others like you're being rude, but it's not. You have the right to be heard And when you speak up, you might be surprised at the sense of empowerment it brings. When you make that your new comfort level, it will be uncomfortable in the beginning but it will grow on you. If you always put others first in your life, carving any time out for yourself and self-care will feel like selfishness. But just a gentle reminder that refueling yourself allows you to give more and give more freely. Once you get over the initial discomfort of self-care, then peace will start to come with it. You will start to feel more rejuvenated and replenished rather than guilty.
Speaker 1:Your discomfort with prioritizing yourself is not a good measure of not doing self-care. When you are being taught to doubt, believing in yourself will feel like an illusion. Yet it is one of the most real things and the best gifts you can give yourself. It is an utmost necessity for your life. Believing in yourself brings in confidence that is unmatched. This is the basic ingredient you need for your growth. Believing in yourself will be new, unfamiliar and thus uncomfortable. So you have to get over your subconscious measure of comfort. When you have been conditioned to say yes all your life, saying a simple no will feel like a rebellion, but in reality it's just about setting boundaries. Being firm will feel unnerving. You will feel the fear of ejection in your bones. You will be afraid of the repercussions, no matter how illusionary they might be. But in a truly loving relationship, just standing up for yourself sometimes needs to be taught to others. And in truly loving relationships, people might initially be shocked, but then they will grow to respect your boundaries. Becoming over this discomfort of creating clean boundaries is what it takes to create peace and respect within your relationships.
Speaker 1:If you've been used to hiding your light, letting it shine will feel like you're causing a glare, making other people blind. You're not. That's your own discomfort with your spotlight. Your thoughts will make a hyperbole of your fears To be. Your brightness is supposed to be there just to eliminate somebody else's path. When you've always been a supporter, stepping into leadership roles will feel like you're stepping on other people's toes. But leading others is just another form of service. That is the prophetic way. Peace be upon him. And the sense of fulfillment that comes from leading will then be an example for others and it will be deeply satisfying for yourself. Leadership will be unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but that does not mean you can't lead With more familiarity that grows with your new identity of leadership, the more familiar and comfortable you'll get with it.
Speaker 1:If you've always been encouraged to be mild and soft, displaying any power will feel like transgression, like you're crossing an invisible line. But being strong and being gentle are not opposing forces. Living in this complex space, finding unique ways to blend softness with strength just might be your unique path, which you'll only discover if you get over your discomfort. When you've always been modest, recognizing your own beauty will feel like vanity. It will feel dangerously uncomfortable And this is why most Muslim women fall short of self-love. But self-love isn't conceit, it's simply seeing the truth. I believe that everyone is created by Allah swt in their own beautiful form. Are you willing to see it for yourself? Because that will require for you to get over your discomfort. What you perceive as comfort is your body's recognition of familiar, and growth is the cost of the familiar. Discomfort is the price you pay for development. If you've always been taught to follow making your own path, will feel like you've lost your way. Paying the price of discomfort will have the reward of independence at the end, when you've been inculturated to please others. Even finding your own preferences will be challenging, but it's just about honoring your own needs, standing up for yourself, and that will bring an unexpected, unfamiliar sense of self-reliance, authenticity and relief.
Speaker 1:If you've always been a peacemaker, confronting any issues head-on will feel like stirring the pot and creating ripples, when it's actually really about resolving conflict, showing others to take their responsibility. Addressing issues directly brings resolution. Bringing them out of avoidance of discomfort will only prolong the inevitable. It will prolong your resentment towards others. If you've always been told to just wait, seizing any opportunity will feel like you're taking an unfair advantage. But it's just about taking initiative, grabbing opportunities for yourself, and that does not mean you're robbing others of theirs. That's what your comfort brain will tell you. It just means that you're claiming your own and you can do that and be in a position to create opportunities for others. If you've always been told to be quiet, saying anything will feel like breaking the rules. But maybe it's about self-advocacy and your discomfort keeps you from creating that.
Speaker 1:Do not use comfort as your measure. If you really want to create a comfortable life. Get familiar with discomfort. This is the functional pain of growth, because when you're used to playing it safe, any change will feel like inviting chaos. If you've always just done enough to fit in, celebrating your uniqueness will feel like a rebellion. Pride will feel like Gibber. But it's really just about you celebrating yourself. Not about thinking less of others, but thinking more of you. That's not arrogance. This comfort of uniqueness will keep you afraid of arrogance and smother your uniqueness.
Speaker 1:I really hope one or more of these examples resonate with you And if it did come back and listen to it again from a different mindset, it will land differently and it will create a deeper change. And just ask, where in your life do you need to implement this urgently? So I've given you a lot of evidence about how chasing comfort doesn't actually create a comfortable life. So what emotions do you actually need to create a comfortable life? Since we know that discomfort is just unfamiliarity, are there any other open emotions that we can tap into to ease this unfamiliarity? Because it is about growth and related abundant open emotions like resilience, anticipation, tenacity, perseverance, wonder, amazement. You get the picture.
Speaker 1:Let's say, for example, you're in a position where your family doesn't value pilgrimage. You have the option to create that opportunity for yourself through resilience if you so choose, when you've always been told to just rely on your family, but they don't seem to want to go to Hajj or Omra when you really want to. Standing on your own, will feel like you're abandoning them. But just remember, it's about building your resilience, navigating the logistics of the pilgrimage through your own intelligence, through your own resourcefulness. There are multiple scholars out there who offer services for women who want to do this by themselves. There will be discomfort of fear, of rebellion, but I can't think of a more praiseworthy cause of tapping into discomfort. Getting over the fear of self-reliance, creating resilience to go through the whole journey, purifying your intentions that this is for Allah and not to teach the family a lesson. Brain will offer you both sides of the coin. It's your job to keep elevating your intentions behind your actions.
Speaker 1:Or another emotion could be tenacity of pursuing your dreams, regardless of what anyone else says. If you've always been told to be patient and wait, pursuing your dreams relentlessly will feel like you're being stubborn, but maybe it's about tenacity and that is the new comfort level you need to create. Or another emotion could be wonderment, awe or inspiration. If you've inadvertently learned to take life very seriously, either by circumstances or by people, marveling at the simple things will feel childish, but it's about experiencing wonder. It's about experiencing joy. I remember my first real, deep sense of awe. Pure wonderment and rejuvenation to a level of exhilaration was what I felt when I first saw the Ka'ba. I still have a deep bodily memory of that emotion from that moment.
Speaker 1:Or about the emotion of harmony, because if you've always been urged to be competitive, taking any balance in your life or rest will feel like inaction just because it is unfamiliar, it will feel like laziness. But maybe it's about rest and harmony, like when I balance my prayers with my daily routine, work, family and other obligations, and when I prioritize my rest because it is for one purpose, so that I can create harmony within myself, so I can be available for others more, for myself and for Allah swt. Maybe the comfort level will solve itself. To become familiar with harmony and rest instead of the comfort of the familiar, of overworking, hustling and overexertion. May Allah purify my and all of our intentions Taking other emotions like inspiration, gratitude, courage instead of comfort to actually create a comfortable life.
Speaker 1:Comfort of the familiar actually creates long term discomfort, creating serenity in the middle of your busy life, seeking quiet. It might feel like isolation in the beginning And if you've ever tried it, you know it will feel like isolation first, but maybe it's just about serenity and calmness and peace, like during the peaceful pre-dawn hours of Fajr prayers. It's about you creating a deep sense of calm and tranquility. Every discomfort I've mentioned so far I've experienced in my life at some point And I have created massive change through mind management. It does not come naturally to me, because if it came naturally, then I would be oblivious to these struggles and I would think that everyone was just in bliss and joy all the time. I would think that everyone was just growing and getting over their fears, creating their own paths. It's because that I have to work this hard to maintain this balance is why I am able to teach this to you.
Speaker 1:With that I pray to Allah swt. O Allah most gracious, most merciful, grant us the courage to embrace discomfort, for we know that it is through discomfort that we grow and evolve. Help us understand that our trials are not punishments but opportunities for our growth and shaping us into the better version of ourselves. O Sustainer of all, when we feel discomfort, remind us that it is for our growth and that will follow. Feel in us patience and resilience. Please lighten our loads and our struggles, o Allah, guide us on the straight path so we may use challenges to propel our growth and so that we can use all of these opportunities for our ultimate growth of growing closer to you. In your name alone, we seek guidance and strength. Please put us and keep us on the straight path. Amen, yerebullah Alameen. Please keep me near the rest.