Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Enhancing Your Life Through Paradox of Emotions
Have you ever imagined unlocking the mystery of your emotions and using them to enrich your life? A diverse range of emotions creates a more vibrant life. Paradox is more than opposites!
In today's heartfelt discussion, we come to an understanding how this paradox guides us in making wiser decisions, increases your emotional intelligence, and enhance your resilience.
Ever wondered how marketers exploit your left brain's propensity to be super analytical, often distancing you from your emotional core? We'll uncover these tactics, granting you a deeper insight into the interplay of emotions and how to overcome consumerism.
Embracing your emotions is the key to unlocking a fuller, more enriched life. Emotions, while they are considered feminine, and therefore somehow inferior, are running the show. So might as well learn how to master them!
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast. A plan tool that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uttar, hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:Today we're going to talk about the paradox of emotions, how one extreme of an emotional state signals your capacity to experience the other extreme as well, on the opposite side, like a pendulum, if you will. Neither extreme is good or bad, it just is. Paradox is defined as a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that one investigated may prove to be well founded or true. Meaning a paradox is something that appears as one thing on the surface, but entirely something new underneath, if investigated. We will keep this in mind as we develop this concept. Human beings are experiential, no matter how intellectually hyper we are trained to be in the industrial, modern or post-modern eras, or by the education and the work environments. All of this will make our left brain stronger and make us hyper-intellectual, and no matter how out of touch we are with our emotions due to the effects of these institutions, our emotions are still running the show in the background, no matter how much you might pride yourself in being logical, even if you entirely dismiss the idea that you're not an emotional person, or if you're in the other extreme, where you think that your emotions are still calling the shots in your life. It doesn't matter where in the spectrum you lie your emotions direct your decisions. There are multiple studies that have shown that human beings make their decisions on how they are feeling or how they want to feel one day. All decisions are based on emotions. The entire hyper-consumerism and the marketing industry knows this design and it's targeted towards it.
Speaker 1:So there might be a few states that we will be identifying with, where the superficial identity is something, but the reality underneath is something entirely different. One identity might be I am in control of emotions. What that really means is that I'm suppressing them. Another one might be I am too emotional, which actually really means that I'm at the mercy of emotional outbursts that seem to come and go and I don't seem to have any control over them, and they will be running the show. Another identity is that I'm not an emotional person at all, which in reality reads as I feel emotions, but I've gotten so good at suppressing them that I can't identify them anymore. So they're still running the show without my awareness.
Speaker 1:So if you fall in any one of these categories, the concept of paradox of emotions will be immensely helpful because it will help you heal. And if you don't have any other motivation to help heal, just remember that all of these states are actually harmful to your physical health, like they can actually lead to physical disease. It's ironic because we think having negative emotions is a disease state, but in reality negative emotions are just messengers of information. Not having learned the skill of interpreting these emotions leads to the mismanagement of them, which is actually what's damaging our physical health. Emotions themselves are benign pieces of information. Learning not to take the difficult, uncomfortable emotions at face value, and learning the language of emotions, that's what I choose and that's what this is all about.
Speaker 1:Paradoxical emotions are much more than polar opposite emotions. Sadness is the opposite of happiness, anxiety opposite of peacefulness, isolation opposite of belonging. Yes, opposing emotions are a part of the definition of being paradoxical, but opposition is not the all-encompassing meaning of paradox. The paradox isn't that there's a force and there's another force acting on it that is equal and opposite to it. The paradox is that what seems harmful is actually for our benefit. The panic attack, the distress, the raging anger, the extreme jealousy seem like they're harmful to us, but they are actually beneficial, at least in the short run. Paradox means that we allow the extremes of emotions and learn the positive intention behind them. Paradox carries within it that we don't make it mean that we are the emotions, that we don't make emotions our God, that we don't resist the sensations of the discomfort in a way that we miss out on valuable information that the emotion is supposed to be giving us. In order for me to help you understand the advantage of paradox of emotion, i have to help you understand how the human mind interprets information, and I have given this information out before.
Speaker 1:Human brains make meaning of things and references. Our subconscious minds cannot think in negatives. It cannot make sense of a lack of information. It makes sense with a reference of something. It can only make sense of a lack of something as it relates to the presence of it, and the proof of this is abundantly clear in the Qur'an. Even surely, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and day There are signs for men of understanding. That's the Surah Chapter of Al-Imran, aya 190. This is only one of the many examples that mention references Earth in reference to heavens, night, in reference to day.
Speaker 1:Basically, neuroscience says that human beings can't interpret things without references, at least not easily. The outstanding creative leaders of any time are an exception to this design, because they do think of something that hasn't existed before. Even in its opposite, they operate from no frame of reference. So it can be done, and it has been done in the history of humanity multiple times, but it's not what's normally done. Normally, we interpret things in reference to something else that we've already experienced, and that is not a bad thing. It's a normal functioning human mind.
Speaker 1:So, like I said, i have presented this concept before on the podcast, but the reason it's worth mentioning again here is because the same frame of reference applies to emotions. When you are a woman who can experience negative emotions in great intensity, you have the capability to experience the same intensity of the happy, positive, joyful emotions on the opposite extreme of the spectrum. And this idea comes from one of my coaches, cameron Nichols, and that is imagine emotions on a number line with a zero in the middle positive 10 on one side and negative 10 on the other, both being extremes and zero being a neutral emotion in the middle, like indifference, the more extremely you feel jealousy, like it's a negative eight, you hold as much capacity to feel love, respect, gratitude on the other side of it, like a positive eight. The more you feel despair, the deeper your ability gets to feel joy. Since all of our emotions are created by our thoughts, and if you are creating an extreme amount of one emotion, that means your mind holds the capacity to create the opposite positive emotion on the other extreme as well, and your body carries within it the inherent capability of experiencing that positive emotion. If you feel a negative four of isolation, you'll feel a positive four of connection in a relationship. If you feel alienated, excluded by a value of negative eight, you can inherently know that you have the ability to feel a positive eight of inclusion, belonging, connection.
Speaker 1:So the point is to stop limiting your life because of the fear of negative emotions. If you let discomfort of a painful emotion tell you its message, you can use this depth of experience, that capacity of creation, to feel and create the positive side of the good emotion as well. And both intensities on the spectrum go hand in hand. It's like a seesaw one side will come down as much as the other side goes up. If you feel a minus three of self doubt, you will only be able to feel a plus three of confidence. Allow yourself the worst of self doubt, if it comes. Only then you can feel the best of self confidence. Your ability to be extraordinarily confident depends on your ability to feel extreme self doubt. The doubt doesn't define you, it's just a state you have to pass through so you can experience unshakable confidence.
Speaker 1:Embracing frustration ground to the opportunity to experience fulfillment. By acknowledging and allowing for moments of despair, sadness and loneliness to be present, you gain reference points to feel the equal and opposite intensities of joy, hope and contentment. The permission you give to yourself to fully feel and understand frustration, you open the door to the true possibility of fulfillment. The presence of frustration guides you towards finding solutions, pushing your limits and ultimately experiencing the deep satisfaction that comes with overcoming obstacles. Learning from these challenging emotions is the task That is what gives us the greater sense of resilience, gratitude and self awareness.
Speaker 1:When I say allow these emotions or learn from these emotions, i do not mean to continue to create them habitually and non stop. I mean when your nervous system does create them, it has some healing intention behind it, so don't resist it. Same goes with anger and forgiveness. The more you allow yourself to feel the weight of anger, the greater the swing towards forgiveness. And by allowing anger, i do not mean act on anger, and I have elaborated on this concept multiple times before. The more you are willing to go through the rough terrain, the more you will appreciate the smooth road. By embracing and experiencing the worst of anger, you will be able to reach the greatest heights of forgiveness and peace.
Speaker 1:Confidence cannot exist without a feeling of insecurity. Courage cannot exist without fear. Empowerment cannot exist without marginalization. If you have felt one, you have the machinery and the capacity to feel the other. That is how you are designed. As a Muslim woman, you will face challenges today that will test your resolve, your faith and your identity.
Speaker 1:The sadness of being misunderstood carries with it the compassion and the motivation waiting to be expanded and explored. Paradoxical emotions deepen your understanding of life as a lived experience, which then becomes your strength. Don't hold your extreme negative emotional states against you. This gives you the capacity to hold the opposite, positive end of the spectrum emotion as well. This is incredible news. The effects of trauma, the depth of sadness, the intensity of the panic that renders you incapable for hours on end is all there because you have the capacity to hold the opposite and the positive extreme with such intensity as well, and when you master this ability to navigate between the two, that's when your life becomes limitless. Paradox of emotions refers to the idea that emotions such as sadness or fear have both negative and positive effects. While sadness is difficult and painful to experience, it also leads to greater empathy and understanding. While fear is debilitating at times, it is also a tool for your protection in dangerous situations.
Speaker 1:All emotions that are seen typically as negative have a positive intention behind them. Learn to walk this number line from one side to another. If you are stuck on the negative side of the number scale, you just haven't practiced holding the opposite end of the spectrum enough because you haven't practiced mind management yet. You just have to learn the skill of directing your mind in a way where it will help you create an immense positive emotion or where your mind will help you learn the positive intention behind the extreme negative emotion. If you haven't been able to walk the number line, it's because you haven't created safety in your body yet. Without this safety, you can't explore the negative and then you can't walk towards the goodness of the positive And don't just linger in neutral emotions, don't just hang out around the zero, Venture into the negative with a supervised brain, with a tight control over this exploration.
Speaker 1:And what I mean by that is without your ongoing development of the ability to only explore negative emotions just from curiosity, nothing else you will either not be able to hold space for them at all, or, without this curiosity, you will not be able to explore the positive intention behind the negative emotions. And without this curiosity, without this space, without this tight control of exploration, you will remain oblivious to the fact that there is a whole new life that awaits you. On the other side of this discomfort, there is a zone beyond the zero, the space where joy, happiness, serenity, creativity await you, and they await you with just as much intensity as you've been experiencing panic, despair, resentment, terror. Without a managed mind, we accidentally let our negative emotions control our life. But the truth is, both sides of the coin are present for us our entire lives. And that is the reality for every human being, regardless of your social standing or lack thereof, regardless of your background or your religion. Life will always be 50-50, but only if you dare to open up to it only if you dare to explore the negative like it was always supposed to be there. That way, you will have authority over it and then you can dare to open up to the positive as well.
Speaker 1:Explore both sides of the number line with the supervised mind and if you don't have strict control over your mind yet, seek someone who can help you do it. Get coaching. Coaching is about holding a deep, curious, open space for all of your experiences. If there's been a day where you've been overwhelmed with sadness maybe there's been a setback in your work or you had a disagreement with a loved one Your heart feels heavy, there's a lump in your throat and there's tears and messiness. This messiness has a positive intention behind it, and when you are willing to move through it, not only can you discover this positive intention, you can see that you have the capacity to hold order and calmness and serenity as well Among the chaos. We forget that there is another side to this coin. The chaos is present because if you haven't tasted bitter, you can't have the same appreciation for the sweet.
Speaker 1:Experiencing negative number line emotions doesn't indicate a weakness or flaw in you. It signals your capacity to feel deeply, to process experiences in a meaningful way. As a Muslim woman, you may feel the weight of these emotions intensely. You may worry about your children's future, feel anxious about societal pressures, or feel sadness when misunderstood from your faith, or feel isolated when misunderstood due to your faith. Yet it is these same feelings that enable you to be a resilient mother, a compassionate sister and a strong believer.
Speaker 1:Just as a varying saturation of a color on a paint palette offers you the opportunity to experience the full range of shades, your capacity to feel different intensities of emotions allows you to fully immerse yourself in the richness and diversity of your experience. Without the presence of the dark shades, the brighter ones would lose their depth and beauty. Just like an intensity and saturation of a color allows you to appreciate a scene with its richness, intricacies and beauties, the emotional spectrum allows you to do the same with your life. This allows you to live a life with a vividness that hasn't been available to many. Allow the paradoxical nature of your emotions to unfold, naturally, because your resistance to this design is futile, a massive waste of energy. And with this unfolding, you will gain more emotional intelligence, better decision-making capacity, higher resilience in the face of adversity and immense creativity, not to mention motivation that is regenerative and, above all, better emotional and mental well-being.
Speaker 1:In the Quran it says The paradox of emotions gives you the emotional breath, depth of meaning, versatility of experiences, the amplitude, the range, the multiplicity, however you want to define it. These emotions and your capacity to feel them is how human beings are made, and that truly is a wonderful design, especially when you get a hang of navigating it. Allow for the paradox, because it is happening to you anyways. You might as well let it With that. I pray to Allah, subhanahu wa Ta'ala. O Allah, grant us the wisdom to understand and appreciate our emotions, grant us the strength to navigate them and the resilience to grow through them and with them. Ya Allah, give us the wisdom to comprehend and value our emotions, the fortitude to navigate through them and develop the ability to flourish in their presence. May your journey and your emotions be one of growth, self-discovery and limitless spiritual elevation. Inshallah, please keep me in your door, as I will talk to you guys next time.