Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
Islamic Life Coach School Podcast
The Power of Receiving, Breaking up with Undeservingness.
Can you recall the last time you genuinely allowed yourself to receive a gift, compliment, or act of kindness without worrying about what you had to give back? In today's enlightening conversation, we uncover the power of receptivity and its profound impact on our lives. By nurturing self-love and setting healthy boundaries, we pave the way for a deeper sense of self-worth and a richer life experience.
Join us as I share personal stories of embracing abundance, exploring the importance of respect in relationships, and cultivating an attitude of gratitude for the boundless goodness surrounding us. Open your heart to the limitless mercy of Allah, and discover how you, too, can break free from self-imposed chains of undeservingness. Let's embark on this journey together, and watch our lives transform through the art of receiving.
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Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast, a planned tool that you learn in this podcast and your life will be unrecognisably successful. Now your host, dr Kamal Uthar. Hello, hello, hello everyone. Peace and blessings be upon all of you.
Speaker 1:Today I want to talk about a concept around receiving. We are usually taught all about giving, but it's fascinating how increasing your capacity to receive will also elevate your life, and of course, it includes receiving gifts, material, other objects, but above all, it includes receiving the immaterial, like praise and compliments and gestures. Today's podcast is going to be about embracing the concept of receptivity and how it has the power to broaden the horizons of your lives. When you think of receiving, think of it as having given a magical basket that can hold an infinite amount of love, respect, favors, compliments and the like. The catch, however, is that you have to allow yourself to accept these gifts and hold them in your basket. As we navigate this topic, we'll explore how opening our lives to receiving can enhance the quality and richness of it.
Speaker 1:If you're uncomfortable with receiving and otherwise you're squirmy about the concept of deservingness, that will constrict the richness of your life. Many of us fear that contemplating our worth might make us appear conceited or self-absorbed, but feeling those things, like all of our emotions, come from our thoughts. A very good sign that you're not in the space of openly receiving is that you immediately feel a compulsion to give back that you insist that the other person take from you as well, even when they might not be looking to get anything back. Your fear of appearing self-absorbed, conceited or self-centered is going to keep you from receiving, while the other person might not be receiving you in that light at all. So it's your work to do around receiving, not theirs. And, trust me, you're a very good judge of when someone is giving because they want something back in return, like in the field of medicine. The pharmaceutical industry would give so that doctors would feel obliged to prescribe their medications, and many doctors do it on a subconscious level, because we are all humans, they all have these subconscious biases. So not feeling obliged to give back, but giving back if you want to. That creates the whole difference between openly receiving and constricting yourself. If your knee-jerk reaction to being deserving, or feeling like deserving of anything, is discomfort, most likely it's rooted in lacking of self-love. If you think just considering yourself deserving makes you arrogant, then there might be some healing work that needs to be done. Allah swt granted you life and thus deemed you deserving. How you come to receive it is your work. Importance of cultivating this self-love goes very much hand in hand with receiving.
Speaker 1:Many years ago, i found myself volunteering at my children's pre-k classes and during that time I had the fortunate experience of interacting with a truly outstanding teacher. This teacher imparted a piece of wisdom on me that till today, it remains etched in my memory. Her words were simple yet profound, she said On the other hand, if a child appreciates your warmth, reciprocates your hugs and openly accepts your affection without any negative reactions, you'll feel more eager to express your affection next time. With every one of these positive interactions, the child reaffirms their belief that they're indeed deserving of love. This understanding, she explained, of course, is vital, especially because not all kids come from homes or environments that are supporting or loving. Her insight was a revelation to me because to this day, i continue to apply this understanding when interacting with my own children. Because of this level of understanding, she consistently treated all her students with the same level of affection, irrespective of how they responded. She made it her mission to ensure each child felt safe with physical affection and took great care to familiarize them with this dynamic. She understood the value of emotional security and affection in a child's development, and she dedicated herself to creating a nurturing environment for them.
Speaker 1:This philosophy, as I've come to realize, is applicable not only to children, but extends to adults and humans of all ages, especially women. The more open we are to receiving love and kindness, the more people around us will enjoy offering it to us and the more we'll find ourselves in more abundance and blessings. This acceptance becomes an affirmation of our worthiness of receiving love and affection. And just like it was true in the case of children, the opposite is equally true for us as well. If you show discomfort or reluctance in receiving, others will feel uneasy about offering. So, most recently in my case, i recently received a gift of some homegrown mangoes from a colleague of mine. My immediate thought was what professional favors could he want in return? But then I redirected my brain to think I can enjoy this gift And in this case the algorithm I teach will sound something like this See, dash near.
Speaker 1:Circumstances, nervous system, thoughts, emotions, actions and results. The circumstances colleague gave me six homegrown mangoes. My nervous system thought is he wants something in return. Emotion from that thought is apprehensive. The action I take from apprehension is I don't take it or if I do take it, i don't enjoy it and I worry about what I have to give back to him. And the result I create from the consequence of these actions is that I don't receive or return the favor from a place of abundance. On the other hand, if I am to create an intentional model, which is what I ended up executing on, is the same circumstance Collie gave me six homegrown mangoes.
Speaker 1:The nervous system thought this time is I gave him the opportunity to give, or other thoughts like I'm open to believing that he got benefit from giving me The emotions from these thoughts. Is I feel receptive, the actions that I take from this open, abundant emotion is I thank him profusely, i enjoy the mangoes and I don't spend any energy on the mind, drama or reciprocating. But if I wanted to, i could, and I give myself that option. And when I do give back, because my mind is not running on default, i can think of other ways that I could pay him back rather than just being bound to professional favors From a place of open, abundant emotions, like receptivity, your mind will be creative. So if you do want to give back, you don't have to feel bogged down to do it, and the result I create from a cumulative effect of these actions is that I create much more opportunities for myself Because I thought that I gave him the opportunity to give. The result will always prove the thought correct. I can decide to give him back out of the goodness of my heart, not out of obligation or worry, or I give him my appreciation and that I'm content with that. Other than that, i don't have to give him anything back.
Speaker 1:A deeper level point that I'm trying to make here is that these gestures of giving often serve a dual purpose. They make the giver feel good about themselves. People might say that it's better to give than to receive, but I've learned that the two are profoundly interconnected, because normally we visualize giving as a one-way street. We imagine when we hand something over, the other person gains while we lose out. Whether the item you're giving is time, energy, money, items or even emotional power, it seems as though the act of giving empties a part of us, decreasing our overall value. In this viewpoint, the flow of exchange seems to be strictly from the giver to the receiver.
Speaker 1:But let's pause and ponder. Could this process be more of a cyclical exchange rather than a linear one? What if, in reality, giving is not just about loss but also about gaining something invaluable in return? Even when someone is not expecting anything back, the act of giving completes the full circle. That's because, when they give, you've given them an opportunity to do so. In other words, you've gifted them the joy, the satisfaction and the fulfillment that comes with giving. This unselfish act of giving without expecting anything in return could be considered a higher form of giving, because this form transcends the transactional exchange and taps into the more profound, the more meaningful layers of human connection.
Speaker 1:Again, the common hindrance in this cycle is the fear of appearing entitled, which often leads us to unconsciously block the ability to receive. We might want to receive, yet we'd restrain ourselves, dictated by an internal fear shaped by either societal norms, our upbringing or our own personal insecurities. Our nervous system, conditioned by years of socialization, may compel us to feel obliged to reciprocate when we might not even want to. This leads to a strange relationship with the concept of receiving, sometimes resulting in us feeling undeserving. When we constrain this ability to receive, we limit our life's experience. By painting ourselves as undeserving, we are inadvertently reducing the amplitude of our life experiences, constricting the width of the spectrum of emotions and opportunities we allow ourselves.
Speaker 1:In many societies, especially among cultures where most Muslim women grow up, there is a great emphasis on giving. We are often only conditioned to be caregivers, the nurturers, constantly offering but rarely receiving. However, it is equally important to consider the other side of the coin, which is to act of receiving. So I encourage you now to open yourself up to the possibility of receiving, to allow yourself the acceptance of love, kindness and respect. It's about acknowledging your inherent worth and understanding that you too are deserving of any goodness.
Speaker 1:Imam al-Ghazali put forth an interesting perspective in this regard, and that had to do with charity. According to him, when you are giving charity to someone who is less fortunate, they are not the recipients of a favour. Instead, they are doing you a favour by enabling you to fulfil your charitable obligations. From this paradigm, imagine every time you received something from somebody you thought to yourself you did them a favour. By letting them give to you, you are providing them the ability and opportunity to improve, to grow and to experience the joy of giving. It's as if you are bestowing upon them the gift of becoming a better person. And here's another thought The more you are open to receiving, the more your cup of self-love fills up, and the fuller your cup is, the more you can then pour into others. So by allowing yourself to receive, you are not only enhancing your self-love, but you are also amplifying your ability to give to others.
Speaker 1:Also, let's consider for a moment how uncomfortable it feels when we are giving compliments, or when we are showered with gifts, or when our friends throw us surprise parties. Do you ever find yourself feeling a bit unsettled in such situations? perhaps feeling like you are undeserving again? But what if you decided to change their perspective? What if you embraced all these gestures with open arms and open heart, setting aside any doubts about your worthiness and letting your friends do what they do best, which is to shower you with affection and love? Imagine how transformative this shift would be. Consider how it might change your life, how the people around you would rejoice in your happiness. Imagine their delight when you receive their affection. They are so willingly giving. And I want to give you an example, because it happens to all of us. Just like taking a simple example of an everyday scenario where you receive a compliment on your outfit. How often do you respond by downplaying it, saying something like oh this old thing, i got it on sale. Oh, this is so old, i've worn it so many times, instead of if you simply responded with a heartfelt thank you or thank you for noticing, i love it too. Thank you for your kindness. Imagine the positive energy such a simple shift in your response can foster.
Speaker 1:Also, then consider respect, another vital aspect of relationships, be it your spouse, coworkers, children, parents, siblings. If you are clear about the level of respect you expect to receive, it's easier to establish healthy boundaries. It empowers you to speak up if someone treats you disrespectfully, and if you open up to receiving respect and nothing else, it teaches them how to treat you. From open emotions. You can voice your concerns when your boundaries are overstepped, and it will give you more firm grounding to stand in your values. All of these actions from you in turn reinforce your own self-respect. If you don't teach others how to respect you, your mind might interpret this as you being undeserving of respect. Same thing with accepting any kind of favors Someone wants to hold the door open for you but you're not accustomed to receiving, or somebody wants to help you. Any slightest gesture might trigger a sense of guilt. It's a reflex. If it's been a reflex so far, you can deprogram it.
Speaker 1:One of the most fundamental teachings in Islam is our belief in the risk, our sustenance, that has been bestowed to us by Allah swt, that has been pre-written. This concept encompasses not just material or monetary provisions, but also the intangible ones Respect, kindness, wisdom. As Muslims, it's our responsibility to not only seek out these blessings, but also to accept them wholeheartedly. This is the acknowledgement of Allah's limitless mercy and His role as our provider, at-razaq. In this context, we are the receivers of His bounty, which is boundless and knows no limits. He has profound mercy that He bestows upon us and it is our responsibility to receive it.
Speaker 1:Personally, i believe the most transformative work we can do is learning to receive love, because love is the most fundamental aspect of any of our lives. It takes various forms the love of the family, bond between friends, affection between spouses and, above all, the love for and from our Creator. And if you've been quite adept up until now at giving love loving families, friends, communities that's all good, same as striving to show our love for Allah SWT through acts of worship. While all of that is good and well, how about next time? you don't brush off compliments or underplay your accomplishments, or hesitate to express your needs and express your gratitude when your needs are met. This will give you a much more opportunity to give to others than anything else. Your acceptance of any form of a favor, compliment, act of kindness, money or any other monetary items is your acknowledgement of the goodness in others. It's a nod to their affection for you. It's an action that fosters deep self-esteem and instills a sense of self-worth. after you've gone through a lifelong programming of only giving, this is your next level of self-development.
Speaker 1:Our goal is to embrace the richness of life that it's offering us, and by expanding our capacity to receive, we open ourselves up to the experience of life in its fullest, and that's, in a sense, that is intended by our Creator. The Prophet SAW said O Muslim women, none of you should look down upon the gift sent by her female neighbor, even if it was the traitors of the sheep, the fleshless part of the legs. It's reported in Sahih el-Bukhari. So for all of these questions to start to transmute in real life and become practical, consider these questions Where is receiving possible in my life that I haven't been open to?
Speaker 1:Where am I forsaking the opportunity to receive? Where have I been giving when the assignment was for me to receive? What aspects of my life could be enriched if I were more receptive to what's being offered? How could my relationships transform if I become more comfortable with receiving? Have I ever overlooked signs or gestures of love and respect because I was too focused on giving? How would my personal and professional life change if I learned to receive compliments without deflecting them? How many moments in my life have transpired where my inability to receive has inadvertently caused someone else's kind gesture to go underappreciated?
Speaker 1:I want you guys to contemplate these questions and really come up with the answers. And the answers will come to you in piece meals over time, or maybe sometimes they'll come to you when you're sitting down with your focused attention. However, the answers are pay attention to them and accept them. With that, i hope that today's conversation has opened your eyes to the importance of receiving Your deserving of love, respect, favors, compliments and all of the above. That is your risk from Allah. It is a journey towards self-discovery and self-love, and it's okay to take one step at a time and keep up with the practice.
Speaker 1:With that, i pray to Allah swt. O Allah, our Creator and our Sustainer, give us the wisdom and grace to embrace the love and respect and favors that you have allowed. Forgive us for unintentionally denying these blessings. Help us shatter these self-imposed chains of undeservingness and let us immerse ourselves in the warmth and the kindness that surround us. Let us remind ourselves repeatedly of our inherent value, as we are your creations, crafted with divine precision. Let this profound understanding permeate our hearts and minds, enable us to recognize our worth just the way you created it no more, no less. Through your grace, o Allah, let us learn to open our hearts to the boundless goodness that is around us, and do not make us among the ungrateful of all the blessings you have given us. Please keep me in your Dharaz. I will talk to you guys next time.